Jimmy Buffett, "Please Take Your Drunken, 15-Year-Old Girlfriend Home" You probably expected a certain song about inebriation and sex, but the title of that one is actually just "Why Don't We Get Drunk?" which is not quite what I was looking for. Buffett went further in this track left of at the last minute of Havana Daydreamin', which shows him fed-up with some snotty, boozed out teen girl who tells Buffett she liked Jethro Tull better than himself before running off to the bathroom for the fifteenth time.

Pink Floyd, "Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict" Though it's not exactly that, Roger Waters did seek to pretty much recreate exactly that same ridiculous combination musical contributors through spoken word, animals sounds, and tapping a microphone. It did inspire Man or Astro-man? to write, "Many Pieces of Large Fuzzy Mammals Gathered Together at a Rave and Schmoozing with a Brick," which is, alas, just a regular song.

Igor Stravinsky, "Do Not Throw Paper Towels In the Toilet" Though I've combed through the catalogue of the composer of The Rite of Spring and "The Firebird, I have yet to run across this composition. Yet popular legend has it that Stravinsky wrote a tune for unaccompanied treble voice inspired by a sign he'd seen in the Harvard restroom. Regardless, Stravinsky's advice is good. Paper towels do not disintegrate like toilet paper, and may clog the toilet.

Bloodhound Gang, "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Cryin'" From the band that gave us "Kiss Me Where it Smells Funny," you get a combination country tune and King Missile spoken word rant. It may literally be one of the most surreal and depraved things ever put in a recording, what with the masturbating to the picture of a missing child on the back of a milk carton and all.

Anal Cunt, "No, We Don't Want to Do a Split Seven-Inch with Your Stupid Fucking Band" Really, Anal Cunt should get their own article as they are probably the least subtle thing in the whole history of music. I almost picked "I Sent Concentration Camp Footage to America's Funniest Home Videos," but rather than play to their intentionally offensive image I thought I'd go with what is probably a more sincere statement of intent.

Jef With One F is a recovering rock star taking it one day at a time. You can read about his adventures in The Bible Spelled Backwards or connect with him on Facebook.