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The 10 Most Bizarre David Bowie-Themed Items on Etsy

Somehow I've become an expert in messed-up offerings on Etsy at this job, and today I'm here to show you what dedicated, and slightly lunatic, fans of the Thin White Duke are handmaking just for you.

Necklace It's not that this necklace is bad, necessarily. The setting is nice and the quote from Labyrinth is one of the best. It's just that I don't understand why you would go to all this trouble just to mount a plain piece of paper with seven words in Arial printed on it.

You couldn't at least try something slightly snazzier?

Paper Dolls It's a dress-me-up David Bowie paper doll set! I am 100 percent certain that at some point someone asked Bowie if he was interested in licensing something like this, but realized it was just a hair too cliché. It's actually pretty good, though I'm not sure why Bowie has no nose or mouth.

Russian Nesting Dolls There's nothing wrong with being a dedicated fan, which is how I justify my ever-increasing Doctor Who novelization collection. That said, the day you decide that your life is incomplete without 100 percent natural wood, hand-painted Russian nesting dolls is the day you have to come to grips with the fact that if David Bowie met you, he would be seriously creeped out.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner