A company in Japan is making disposable guitars expressly made for smashing. At around $60 a pop, you won't be too terribly sad about hacking up the stage with it or clocking your bastard bassist or dullard drummer over the head at the end of the gig. Hell, at these prices you could open the show by destroying the damned thing. Suck on that, Pete Townshend.
This got us at Rocks Off wondering about smashing other instruments. Sadly, we don't have the funding to buy us instruments to destroy, nor would it be easy to explain that we needed to throw a grand piano off the roof for a blog. If we did, though, it would make some days much easier to get through knowing a trumpet or a snare drum would get the business end of our ire by quitting time.
Anybody can demolish a guitar, bust a mike stand or flatten a drum set; we have been party to plenty of those instances. We compiled a list of some of the best instruments to take out your rock and roll dreams and nightmares on, rating their degree of destructibility from one to ten.
Kill it with fire. It would be like processing a buffalo to hack it to bits with an ax or bat. Pictures of the burning piano would also make a killer album cover.
A tuba seems like it would be fun to drag behind a car to make sparks. Do that.
It seems like a piccolo would be fun to smash over your knee like a baseball bat, like Bo Jackson and Ken Caminiti used to do. Rest in peace, Cammy.
ELECTRONIC KEYBOARD: 5
Ever since we saw Nine Inch Nails at the Woodstock '94 appearance we have wanted to destroy a keyboard, maybe a big ol' Korg or Yamaha rig. The best way to destroy a keyboard is while wearing a loincloth. In 1994.
We would punch out the skins of a pair of bongos with our fists, hold them up like we were a superhero named Bongo Man and then....
...knock over your antique Theremin and jump on it until it was just scrap metal. You probably wouldn't even get a two-dollar bill for it.
More people would have liked Ravi Shankar had cracked his sitars on the carpet after he played an encore raga. It would have ruled so hard. It would also be fun to fight someone after a raga.
Take a ball-peen hammer to this one, bro, and smash the woodblocks like they called your mother "father." Have you ever met a bad-ass xylophone player? One that wasn't a 15-year old girl?
Lutes were Renaissance-era guitars, meant for guys in tights to play to woo maidens, who most likely looked like Kiera Knightley. Or probably didn't, since history lies. If you light the lute on fire and the ashes turn black, it was a witch.
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SHOW ME HOW
Where did you get a set of bagpipes? And you want to destroy them? Huh. It's just really a bag and some pipes. We assume you could dump the thing in a bucket and make the wood rot. Poke the bag with a knife? This is hard.
Fire again? Sure.