Bayou City

The 10 Most Prophetic Texans-Bengals Rapper Tweets

The Houston Texans’ 2015 season began with HBO’s Hard Knocks introducing the team to America at large. It took a month of filming and some fancy editing to present to the nation our sometimes thrilling and frequently frustrating NFL franchise, but Home Box Office could have saved all that time and money by just directing the curious to the Twitter accounts of Houston’s most notorious rappers.

Keeping a tradition alive, we’ve once again collected some of the most insightful Tweets these artists/Texans fans shared on game day. Houston's rhymesayers turned soothsayers for the Texans' 10-6 Monday Night Football victory over the previously undefeated Cincinnati Bengals. Maybe it's because the Texans have owned the Bengals in every meaningful game they've played against each other in recent history. Or, maybe because the game was played on the 15th anniversary of the untimely passing of Houston's own DJ Screw, our town's rappers could sense the Texans defense would slow the Bengals' offense to a pace Screw would have endorsed. Whatever the case, they seemed to be a step ahead of the football action all night:


10. Rookie Kevin Johnson Stepped Up Big In Prime Time, as DJ AudiTory Predicted

9. The Prophet @_jackfreeman Knew To Whom The Texans Would Turn 

8. Uncannily, Only One Touchdown Was Scored. The Winning Touchdown. 10 Minutes After This Post.


7. And Here Is the Proof:

6. Not Everyone Believed the Prophecies...

5. ...But GT Mayne Envisioned the End of the Bengals' Quest For Perfection


4. And, Lo, the Turnover Was Delivered Unto Texans Fans, Four Minutes Later

3. Did You Hear The One About T.J. Yates and Dr. Palmer On Safari?  #theyslaycats

2. Don't Listen to the Pundits. Listen to the Prophets.

1. We Foresee Many #HowYallDoin Banners at Sunday's Texans Game, Thanks to @JJWatt


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Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s writing and gave Tish a failing grade for the essay. Tish and Jesse celebrated their 33rd anniversary as a couple in October.