Hey there, musicians.
I like you guys. I enjoy checking you out, hearing what you're all about. I don't mind the sweaty venues or sticky floors when I venture out of my safe little bubble to see your shows.
I don't even mind the massive bar tab that our little adventures cost me at the end of the night. It's a give-and-take relationship -- a symbiosis of sorts -- and it works for me.
But here's the clincher. As with any good relationship, I want things to work for you, too. However, it can be hard to want to come to your show if you've named yourself something like "Crazy Penis" or "Danger Muffin," or if you've added so much stylization to your name that I can't even figure out what the hell it is supposed to say.
How can I convince my friends to accompany me to your shows -- and therefore increase your fan base and my cool points -- if I can't say your darn name? Commas have rules for a reason. It would be wise to follow them.
In order to take you seriously, I should be able to communicate who you are without giggling, cringing, or doing both simultaneously. So when you're naming your band, please do yourself a favor and kick the name around in your head for a bit.
I know that it can be difficult to come up with something that hasn't been stolen by the two billion other bands on this planet, but surely there's a way to avoid naming yourself any version of what's above. Or below, for that matter.
Here's our list of the 10 most ridiculous band names right now:
10. Kids on a Crime Spree It's one of those names that begs for a badass back story, but never sees the follow through. Especially when you consider that the band considers themselves lo-fi surf rock. There's nothing crime spree-ish about surf-rock.
9. 3OH!3 I had to press the shift key multiple times to get that band name up there, and it threw my brain off, so bear with me on this one.
Apparently these fools have some major Boulder, Colorado, pride, so they named themselves after their area code. Mike Jones would be proud of their efforts. They didn't stick with the idea of plain ol' 303, though -- they instead stylized the shit out of it and came up with something that looks like tween text gibberish.
8. 10 ft. Ganja Plant I want proof that this ganja plant exists before I buy into this band name. As it stands now, I call shenanigans and say they're overcompensating.
7. An Horse It hurts my grammar-obsessed little heart to read the name of this band. An Horse, an indie-rock duo from Brisbane, Australia, credit their name as stemming from a discussion about the correct usage of "a" versus "an."
There's no way I can not be bitchy about this one, and I'm legitimately trying today (unlike most other days, when it's ladled on there full-force), so I'll stop there.
6. letlive. lowercase and full stop. lowercase and full stop. LOWERCASE AND FULL STOP. So. Much. Punctuation!!!!
5. Wampire When I see this band name, I vacillate from having "Vampire" by Antsy Pantsy stuck in my head and wanting to type this out as WHAM!pire in an ode to letlive. Make it stop.
4. Foxygen Does this break down to "Foxy Oxygen" or "Eff Oxygen"? It is way too complex for my tiny girl-brain, and I can't handle things that confuse me.
(Also, they just canceled their entire European tour by citing the need for "creative health," so someone better be in rehab.)
3. !!! From what I've gathered (thanks to the Google), you pronounce these three elusive exclamation points as "chk chk chk", which would be what this dance-punk sextuplet has chosen as their nom de plume.
So the band's name is !!!, pronounced chk, chk, chk, and they're releasing their fifth album entitled -- prepare yourself for more exclamation points -- Thr!!!er. They're getting some major side eye from me for the overabundance of everything, ever.
2. Diarrhea Planet This Nashville punk group just played at SXSW -- and I'm sure they're nice people -- but their name sounds like it came straight off of Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Roderick's "Loded Diaper" band would be proud.
1. Fartbarf So yeah, their name is Fartbarf, they're from Los Angeles, and they make electronic music. They also wear creepy masks, if you're into that sort of thing.
I, unfortunately, am not even able to get to that point to decide if masks are for me because I cannot get past the word Fartbarf.
Don't name your band Fartbarf. Ever.