WTF Island

The 10 Saltiest Texans-Panthers Rapper Tweets



The Houston Texans’ 2015 season began with HBO’s Hard Knocks introducing the team to America at large. It took a month of filming and some fancy editing to present to the nation our sometimes thrilling and frequently frustrating NFL franchise. Home Box Office could have saved all that time and money simply by directing the curious to the Twitter accounts of Houston’s most notorious rappers. Keeping a tradition alive, we’ve once again collected some of the most insightful Tweets these artists/Texans fans shared on game day. Here’s how they saw Week 2’s loss to the Carolina Panthers, an effort marked by a second consecutive failed comeback attempt:

10. Mandatory @OGMrC Pre-Game Pep Talk
9. Mallett Uses Chainsaw to Slice Bread, Sledgehammer to Whack-A-Mole #FinesseBro
8. A.J. Klein Didn't Drop The Ball Mallet Threw to Him  #theotherteam #INT
7. Someone Made a Play! Great @gra89ham grab!!
6. "I Need Some Juice! Someone Give Me Some F-ing Juice!!"  #staythirsty
5. Flo From Progessive Be Like "Damn, J.J. Watt's In  a Lot of Commercials."

4. Once We Start Quoting The Waterboy, It's Over  #wesuckagain
3. Don't Worry, Roosh — Houston Rockets' Season Is Only 30 Days Away
2. Mallett Might Be Great at Horseshoes (But Probably Would Throw Those Too Hard, Also)
1. That Time @DJ AudiTory Used The Words "Throw The Ball" And "Harder" In a Non-Ironic Tweet About Ryan Mallett


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Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s writing and gave Tish a failing grade for the essay. Tish and Jesse celebrated their 33rd anniversary as a couple in October.