Don't call it a comeback...because it sucked.
Sometimes it's hard to remember that "less is more," especially when you're a retired musician. It can be easy to find yourself pining away for the spotlight and those glory days of old, but we really would advise you to think twice before hitting the comeback circuit, lest you become one of these poor folks below. So many things can go wrong and, apparently, very little can go right.
So our wayward, nostalgic musician friends. Please make sure you're good and ready to face the world again before you emerge from the bowels of a previous decade, or else this could happen.
10. KISS, Sonic Boom So, it's not like KISS really went anywhere, per se. After all, Gene Simmons is always making headlines for something KISS-related. We all remember those KISS coffins, or KISS Kaskets if you will. But when only two members of KISS release an album, and it's the first album that the band has released in 11 years, and that album is exclusively sold on Walmart shelves...you do the math.
9. Limp Bizkit, Stampede of the Disco Elephants There was really no need for Limp Bizkit to attempt a comeback. They were gone, and life was good. But the nu-metal fools who brought you Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water are trying it anyway, despite all signs pointing to no.
Hopefully it won't go very far, because the first single "Ready to Go," was, well, the literal worst. If history is any indicator, they'll have followed up this awful single with an awful album in July 2014, when it's slated to drop.
Go home, Limp Bizkit. You're drunk and hallucinating about disco elephants again.
8. Billy Idol, Devil's Playground Some things are just better left in the '80s, like Billy Idol's music. That's right, folks. Devil's Playground sucked, and we could have done without that entire mess. Too bad he didn't just sing "Dancing With Myself" on every track, because that would have made it the best comeback album ever.
7. Grandmaster Flash, The Bridge (Concept of a Culture) Grandmaster Flash seems to pop up every ten years or so with a new album and it never quite works out the way one would hope, as on this 2009 attempt. Not even Q-Tip or Busta Rhymes could save that sinking ship, although not for lack of trying.
6. Mazzy Star, Seasons of Your Day OK, maybe Mazzy Star's 2013 album, wasn't the worst comeback attempt of all time, but that's mainly because they were so good back in the '90s. But you can't just take that dreamy, aloof sound that worked so well a couple of decades ago, slap it on another album and call it a day. A good comeback has to have some growth to it.
Unfortunately, Seasons didn't test any boundaries or explore any new territory; it was just the same old Mazzy Star, and boring to boot. So as exciting as it was that Mazzy Star was back to making music, the comeback album was decidedly less so.
5. Bauhaus, Go Away White Go Away White was Bauhaus's final album as a band, coming after about a billion years of nothing. Awesome, right? No, because this album sounded nothing like Bauhaus. You've got Mazzy Star releasing an album that sounded like they'd never left the '90s, and then Bauhaus sounding like an entirely different band. Can't these guys find some middle ground here? And how can you release an album after 15 on hiatus and then just not tour to promote the damn thing?
List continues on the next page.
4. Stone Temple Pilots feat. Chester Bennington You saw the "featuring Chester Bennington" addendum. You know why this is on our list. We don't really need to explain it, do we?
3. Britney Spears You know, we feel bad for Britney Spears. She always seems, well, a bit out of it, and the whole K-Fed, head-shaving fiasco was certainly nothing to laugh at. But she still deserves a spot on this list. Nothing Britney has done post-breakdown has been exciting or even interesting; somehow her music just keeps getting worse.
Perhaps it's time for Britney Jean to find another way to occupy her time, because the dominatrix shtick and the faux-British accent don't work at all.
2. The Stooges, The Weirdness Perhaps we're holding the Stooges to a higher standard than some others on here, but when you're the Stooges and your comeback album is this uninspired and lame, well, it's your own fault, really. The Weirdness was The Stooges' first album since 1973, and the final album to feature Ron Asheton, and yet it's still utter tripe. We straight-up don't get it.
1. Guns N Roses, Chinese Democracy Really now. Did you expect anything else for the top spot? No Slash, no Buckethead, no nothin' except stupid Axl Rose, who literally connotes the word "meh" in our heads for any year past 1988. Nothing about this comeback was good, not even Axl's tantrums.
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