It's not good enough for a phone to simply ring anymore. Your phone's ring must say something about you, become an expression of your unique individuality, or, failing that, let everyone around you know that you really, really like that OutKast song that everybody else likes.
However, individual expression is not enough for some people. Some people seem to deliberately pick the most obnoxious ringtones possible, and we're not sure who we hate more, the people who choose those ringtones because that's what they genuinely like, or the people who choose them out of some hip, ironic appreciation that left Rocks Off's bodies some time in our late twenties.
If you don't want to be either of those types of people, here are some ringtones to avoid.
1. The Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling": The first 30 seconds of this song sound like a fire alarm klaxon in an office building, yet somehow it actually manages to get worse from there. The Black Eyed Peas are truly a pox on mankind, perhaps some kind of curse for how we've treated the Gypsies.
2. Butthole Surfers, "The Annoying Song": This one should be obvious.
3. Crash Test Dummies, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm": Putting the "mmm mmm mmm mmm" part on a loop for your ringtone will simultaneously trigger nostalgia and violent rage in those around you.
4. Justin Bieber, "Baby": Really, anything by this kid would qualify, but this song is especially grating. It's like he never even saw the episode of South Park mocking the Jonas Bros for overuse of the word "baby." He may not have, come to think of it; is he allowed to watch stuff rated TV-MA?
5. The Trashmen, "Surfin' Bird": Yeah, it was funny on that episode of Family Guy. Guess what, you're no Seth MacFarlane. It's not funny on your fucking phone.
6. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, "Turn My Swag On": Not only does this asshole have the worst name in all of hip-hop, he consistently puts out brain-dead, tone-deaf pop-rap so bad it seems deliberate. Are there any Worst Rap Song contests out there that offer money? Oh right, the Billboard Top 40.
