8:21: Alicia Keys is onstage. Four things here: 1) The first thing the wife says when they announce Keys' name: "She's a home wrecker." Do all women hate Alicia Keys? We mean, yeah, Swiss Beats' ex-wife does, but do they all?
2) Keys is performing a new song we're assuming is called "Typewriter." They're playing the words behind her on a screen as she sings. She bellows out "...when you're gone." The screen behind her reads:"...when you gone." Whoops.
3) Bruno Mars shows up for a quick cameo. Um, what race is he? Is he even human?
4) Where does Alicia Keys rate in the Top Female Vocalists of the Last Two Generations conversation? Is she in there? Can she keep up with Whitney? Mariah? Blige? Erykah? Jill Scott? Why don't more people talk about this?
8:28: Hey, who should get to introduce the winner for Best Male Hip-Hop. "Ummm... what about Beiber?" Perfect.
8:28:30: The nominees: B.o.B., Drake, Wayne, Rick, Kanye. Two things here too: 1) Um, so we'll just act like Eminem is dead then? Cool; 2) This is a monster category. B.o.B. is the weakest, most least famous guy here, and he was NOMINATED FOR FIVE GRAMMYS.
8:29: Winner... Kanye. Malibooyah. He's not there, but did anyone really expect him to be? He's a little too With It for that, right?
8:36: A Kwame Kilpatrick joke. And Chris Brown is back again. This has turned into The Vindication of Chris Brown show.
8:37: A less-than-delicate conversation just had:
Wife: I guess it's okay to be Chris Brown again. Us: It appears so. Did he spend a long enough amount of time being hated? Wife: When did the Rihanna thing happen? Us: 2009. Wife: Yeah, that was long enough. Rihanna is annoying. Were it someone else, it might've been longer. Us: Really? Who could he have beat that would've made demanded a longer public shaming? Wife: ...Beyonce. Or Oprah. Or anyone white. Us: Dang. Who could he have beat that would've required a shorter sentence? Wife: Who's that girl Wiz Khalifa dates? Us: Amber Rose. Wife: Her. Or Alicia Keys.
8:43: Kevin Hart's aforementioned reality TV parody, Real Husbands of Hollywood, is a genuinely funny bit. Aces for that.