The Biggest WTF Moments of Free Press Summer Fest 2014

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Holding a Festival in a Park then Getting Mad When People Climb Trees Being a security guard is largely a thankless job, and while I get there are things like liability and whatnot, can you really blame people for climbing trees to get the best look they can? You're holding a festival in a park: what did you think would happen? Let the people climb: trees are nature's Silk Pajamas Premium Viewing Areas. CORY GARCIA

The Jana Hunter/Los Skarnales Swap I get it: organizing a major music festival isn't easy. And yeah, sometimes things come up and for whatever reason bands get switched about. So while I don't know why Jana Hunter and Los Skarnales had to swap days and times, I do feel like Jana got the short end of the stick on this one.

Instead of playing in front of people who dig her and the Lower Dens, she played to a bunch of people amped up for some Los Skarnales action who quickly realized they were in the wrong place and wandered away. And she deserves better because what I caught of her set -- including a very nice cover of Hall & Oates' "Maneater" -- was really, really fucking good. The new Lower Dens record is going to be awesome...I just hope they get to actually play to a crowd when they come back. CORY GARCIA

Happy Cops Never have I seen cops having so much fun at a festival. Were they working, or just partying in their uniforms? Either way, every time I saw an officer he or she either had a smile or a phone in his or her hand taking photos of whatever crazy sight or scene they saw. During DMX's set, security had to ask two young lady cops to stay out of the pit as it was for photographers only. Their solution was to stand on the barrier with their phones out, ready and waiting for as soon as the Rough Ryder took the stage. JIM BRICKER

THC Did weed get legalized in Texas during Saturday's two-hour rain break? There sure were a lot of you brazenly blazing up at the fest. Apparently some of you misread those FPSF app maps and thought you were 1,000 miles to the west in Denver.

No one's smelled that much bud since the last time Kelly Bundy got crop-dusted by her little brother. Not here to judge, just making an observation. But, if I were judging, I'd have to say you all probably have some high-grade weed connections. It all smelled fantastic. JESSE SENDEJAS JR.

Bathroom Lines (Or Not) How long does it take to figure out the bathroom lines at FPSF? Every time I would go to a porto, lines would be wrapped around them for essentially no reason at all. All the stalls would be open in the middle, and someone would be yelling at newcomers to mind the queue.

Then, within five minutes, someone else would scream at the crowd to abandon the line system and just walk up and wait per stall, which would cause a temporary pandemonium. Neither option was optimal but this cycle seemed to repeat over and over all weekend. SELENA DIERINGER

Toilet Paper Bandits The biggest WTF moment of the fest was stepping inside of a porta-potty on Sunday night and being starkly confronted with man's inhumanity to man. We've got to stop doing this to each other. That toilet paper was for everyone. Six years in, and the biggest gripe about FPSF remains the same as it was in year one: the porta-potties.

It seems there can never be enough, and they can never be arranged in a way capable of efficiently serving everyone quickly. This year, they were far away, drenched in piss and simply horrible to behold. Anybody got a nail brush I can borrow? NATHAN SMITH

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The Onslaught of Spurs Fans Saturday night closed out with two choices: a) get your face melted off by Zedd or b) join New York City critical darlings Vampire Weekend. I settled somewhere in the middle, catching bits of both.

Now, VW wasn't terrible, quite satisfactory even. But when you're standing next to a propped-up tent playing a Western Conference Finals game, you hone in on that. And so we watched and watched and rooted for the Oklahoma City Thunder to beat the Spurs because God knows the Spurs are like the girl who will agonize you forever but you respect her.

All the while, Vampire Weekend played. Have you ever watched a basketball game with that band as the soundtrack? It's like a terrible Wes Anderson montage come to life, and sweet baby Jesus, did it amplify to even suckier heights when the Spurs actually won.

I got chased out of my second FPSF by zombie "Spurs" fans yelling "Go Spurs Go." I cried myself to sleep afterwards. BRANDO

The Photo Rules Were all out of whack; every ten minutes we were told something different. One moment we could go in a certain entrance; the next minute we couldn't., and the Mars stage was the most questionable of them all. Being the main stage of the entire event, the acts playing there were easily the ones that were most needed to be shot. Unfortunately, after the rain delay on Saturday afternoon, we were not allowed back into the photo pit for the rest of the weekend. Kind of a bummer. JIM BRICKER

Sudden Stops and Horse Collars Leaving the festival Sunday evening, a friend and I found ourselves walking just a few feet between a group of four girls. They were holding onto each other's backpacks and collars, forging their way through the crowd, when the woman in the back stopped abruptly. The girl second from the back came to a sudden halt as well, inadvertently performing a horse-collar on her petite friend in front of her.

The woman essentially went limp, and the back of her head was headed directly for pavement when my friend stepped forward and caught her just below the shoulders, averting the crisis. It all transpired in a few short seconds, but all I could do was look at my friend in awe. The ladies expressed genuine gratitude to my buddy, and we continued on our way. A few feet ahead of the group, I placed the back of my hand on my head, buckled my knees and did my best to swoon. MATTHEW KEEVER

Collaborate Art There was a lot of temporary art at the festival this year, but none of it made me smile as much as the guy who sat down to illustrated the saying someone left on the "What Texas Means to Me" in one of the Fancy Pants tents. CORY GARCIA

Whoa! Apparently I missed the fashion memo stating that the hippest look of the day is to try to emulate Mayim Bialik's "Blossom" or her best friend, the ever-effervescent Six. I haven't seen so many sunflowers since 1994. Please make it stop. SELENA DIERINGER


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