It's the unwritten rule in rap: never apologize. Offering apology in hip-hop is a sign of weakness and rappers simply can't appear weak, no matter what. Sorry, that's just the way it is. Yet, every now and then we'll see a rapper apologize for stepping out of line.
Earlier this week, Paul Wall apologized for beating a rude fan with a microphone. While Paul's apology may have been heartfelt, that's not always the case. For rappers and celebrities in other fields, apologies are statements drafted by lawyers and publicists with the sole intention of appeasing business partners.
Here's a roundup of some bags of bologna masquerading as apologies.
5. Jay-Z and Nas: As the feud between Jay-Z and Nas heated up, both rappers began engaging in an extremely personal war of words. Jay took it a step further by revealing intimate details of his relationship with Nas' ex-girlfriend on the song "Super Ugly." We'll save you the imagery, but feel free to look up the lyrics at your own peril.
When Shawn Carter's ugly words reached Gloria Carter's ears, she told her son that the words that referenced Nas' toddler were in poor taste. Ms. Carter demanded that Jay apologize to Nas' family. Jay-Z obliged.
Why it's a big bag of bologna: Jay-Z, then 32, was bashful and uncomfortable throughout the interview. He was like that kid at school who always steals other kids' toys and has to come back and apologize at his mom's behest. It's usually a big sack of lies and you can't wait to get home and watch Ed, Edd & Eddy.
4. Joe Budden and the Wu-Tang Clan: Possessed by the god of rap beef, Joe Budden launched into a straight-outta-nowhere tirade against Method Man. Actually, it all started when Jumpoff Joey casually claimed that he's better than Method Man. After two months of non-stop fuckery, Budden threw his grown-man hat on and apologized to the Wu-Tang veteran.
"I'm trying to behave and get money," said Budden in his video apology.
Why it's a big bag of bologna: Sure, Joe Budden apologized to Method Man, but he followed it up by saying that he won't hesitate to go after Method Man's friends - he later dissed Inspectah Deck - if he needs to. Maybe Budden's plan was to go after the entire clan. A month later, one of Raekwon's associates badged into Budden's studio and punched him in the face.
In the words of Mike Tyson, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."
3. Lil Mama and Jay-Z: Despite what Taylor Swift's America would have you believe, Kanye West wasn't the lamest stagecrasher at the 2009 VMAs. That title belongs to Lil Mama, who made a complete fool of herself by running onstage during Jay-Z's otherwise brilliant performance of "Empire State of Mind" with Alicia Keys. As Jay rapped and images of New York played in the background, Mama invited herself to the stage and started dancing.
Lil Mama offered the following apology via MTV the next day: "I did not mean any disrespect towards Jay-Z or Alicia Keys. I admire them and look up to them as role models. 'Empire State of Mind' had my emotions running high. In that moment I came up onstage to celebrate my two icons singing about N.Y."
Why it's a bag of bologna: During that performance, Jay-Z quietly tapped Lil Mama's knee and motioned for her to hop off the stage, but she ignored him and kept swaying. At some point, Jay even told her, "You're T-Paining right now," a reference to T-Pain's impromptu stage appearance at Jay's Summer Jam rendition of "D.O.A." Right, Mama, you didn't mean any disrespect at all.
2. Soulja Boy and White People: Soulja Boy once threatened to quit the music business. His reasoning was that white people were forcing him to make "commercial" music because it sells. The teenage rap sensation embarked on an hourlong Twitter rant expressing his frustration with the music business. As the tweets started making the rounds, Soulja Boy quickly deleted them and apologized to white people.
"I know my fans. And I know they will understand this. This ain't got nothing to do with y'all. Oh yeah... sorry to all my white peeps out there. I'm not racist :) But I guess time will heal all wounds..."
Why it's a bag of bologna: The half-ass apology wasn't exactly Soulja Boy's idea. Shortly after he embarked on his infamous "cracker" rant, Soulja Boy confirmed that R&B singer/part-time actor Tyrese called him and talked him out of his sullen mood. The conversation probably went this way: "Ay, Tyrese, these white people got a nigga fucked up."
Tyrese: "Dude, you can't say negative things about white folk or you'll end up working at Mickey D's in 6 months."
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1. Cam'ron and Snitching: Remember Cam'ron's world-famous "no snitching" appearance on 60 Minutes? Anderson Cooper had asked him what he would do if he knew that a serial killer lived next door. Cam's response ignored common sense and defied reasoning:
"If I knew a serial killer was living next door to me? I wouldn't call and tell anybody on him. But I'd probably move. I'm not going to call and be like, 'The serial killer's in 4E.'"
That's right, Cameron Giles would rather move out of his home than snitch on the serial killer in 4E. The video became a viral hit and the backlash started pouring in 24 hours later. Cam'ron immediately issued a statement reversing his stance on snitching.
Why it's a bag of bologna: A Smoking Gun article unearthed documents showing that Cam'ron once cooperated with authorities as a confidant in a 1997 assault investigation.