Note: this past weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times risked life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio.
Photos by Nate "Igor" Smith unless indicated
While the move from the deep wilderness of Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, to this year's decidedly more inhabited location did make the experience seem less like being on another planet, there was still an overabundance of hilarious and strange things happening at all times.
Here are the best overheard quotations from the 2014 edition of the Gathering of the Juggalos.
Mike Busey, in the camouflage vest.
"I almost got lured into a gay acid orgy over shots of Fireball."
"If that bottle rocket gets near my dick I'm gonna be pissed."
"I hope there's no pee in there."
"Sell you a knife for $30."
"How many ya'll parents smoke weed? My momma still grows illegal weed in Alabama."
"At least you tried! At least you tried!"
"Fuck her right in the pussy!"
"Y'all wanna talk about politics, or you wanna see people get smashed in the face?"
"Our sexy little midget you may have seen on Hulk Hogan's Micro Championship Wrestling."
"I'm fucked up! Praise Jesus!"
"There's only one one-legged wrestler in the world."
"Lick the lint out of somebody's belly button."
"Eat somebody's fingernails."
"Bring me a poop dollar. It don't gotta be your poop; there is poop all over these grounds. Go find some."
[After digging a hole in the mud with his heel and pouring beer into it.] "Chug the mud!"
"You don't gotta whip your dick out, just act like you do and then you and a friend walk up on people."
"If you got in my face, I'd shoot you right here with the gun in my pocket. You wouldn't even see it coming. And then you know what I'd do? I'd drink a beer. And feel no emotion at all."
"I wanted to trip the cop. I mean fuck it; I got bail money."
More quotes on the next page.
"I want you to romantically spew milk into her mouth."
"Freedom of the press means I can do whatever I want. Also never pay for anything. Don't tread on me, motherfucker!"
"My dick is horrible. My dick looks like a vagina."
"Who hit her so hard her titties popped out?"
"Is this your beer? Can I drink it?"
Photo by Drew Ailes
"Check out this sexy-ass midget. She ain't got no Down Syndrome or nothing!"
"Why can everyone breathe fire except for me?"
"You've never been kissed? Well here's your first kiss -- from a ninja!"
Juggalo: "Lemme see your tits!" Topless Juggalette, confused: "Uh, I mean, you can see them!" Juggalo, after some thought: "Lemme see your butthole!"
"I will fight a motherfucker if I gotta shave my hair."
Juggalo 1: "Wayne Campbell?!" Juggalo 2: "Beef Stew?!"
"Watch ABK; get your wallet stolen!"
"You better be nervous; you're hugging the king of darkness."
"That notebook is gonna be worth a lot of money someday."
"You were zoned out and missed those big-ass titties too? You're lying."
"Dude if you blow me I will give you one Valium."
"PCP will make you a woman!"
"I took two hits and when I came back, I was wearing my buck cape and spinning around and my boss was yelling at me."
"I'm trying to grow this rat tail but I just don't give a fuck."
"I gotta warm up 'cause I'm a little bitch nigga on the inside."
"'Whoop whoop? Dizzy, that don't make everything better after a serious accident. You gonna show up to the hospital and go 'Whoop whoop?'"
"This is like the first shower these Juggalos have had in a year."
"It's the last night of the Gathering, man."
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.