Note: The folks at our sister paper Riverfront Times have ventured into the breach that is the Gathering of the Juggalos in Hardin County, Illinois. Rocks Off will be following their exploits all weekend.
Nate "Igor" Smith
The things these people said may not make a ton of sense, but when you are surrounded by a constant thundering bass drum, the maniacal shouting of "whoop, whoop," and the occasional dynamite explosion in the distance...you probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, either.
"Oh shit, Metallica!" [starts headbanging]
-- One way to be sure that you're at the Gathering is that the Black Album by Metallica is always playing. And no one seems disappointed.
Nate "Igor" Smith A Juggalo with a "drug bridge" T-Shirt at the Gathering.
"This port-a-john smells like shit!" -- Shouted by a kid with a wiry frame with homemade tattoos. He yelled at a dude asleep on the ground a few minutes later and was surprisingly effective at getting him up.
"Girl, I would break your neden." -- Said by a kid so young it is difficult to believe he is aware he has a penis. If you're anything like me, you had no idea what "neden" was but picked up on it using context clues pretty quickly.
"Where did my dick go?" -- Only a small piece of garbled nonsense to come from a Juggalo swaying back and forth near a Port-a-John.
"You don't know what a cheeseburger is? Oh my god, they're the best." -- Some girl said this to someone else in a tent we were passing by, I swear to God.
"Im illin' and chillin' with my guts all over the ceiling."
"We're scrubs so we always get the bone." -- Two sets of memorable lyrics from stage performers
"I don't know, I think Whitney Houston should have died." -- Source unknown
"I don't know if you know or care, but do not take the acid." -- Heard from a conversation being held in a golf-cart while passing
"Do not take anything called 'spice' -- that's bath salts." -- From an unnamed associate
"You can take mushrooms and eat acid just as long as you don't have any glass bottles." -- Security at the front gate
Quotations from the Gathering continue on the next page.
"Have you seen how they clean these things? They just open a door and blast a hose." -- Random Juggalette, on the condition of the bathrooms
"Someone died and now she's getting the fuck out of here." -- Random Juggalo wearing a cape
"I accept Jesus into my heart." -- Three people praying near the "From Juggalo to Christian" tent by the entrance
"There's only nine hot girls in this whole thing."
"You smell that shit? You almost throw up. That coke -- its almost like molly." -- Two quotes from a group of guys we tried to trade a tallboy of Budweiser to after a short-lived attempt to see what we could barter up to from a beer. We quickly found out that no one had anything worth trading.
"Fuck your camera -- this is for us, not you." -- Yelled from a tent to a photographer
"This is a synthetic drug. It should act like a normal drug -- then people started reacting poorly." -- Random Juggalo
"Oh shit, it leaked down my leg." -- Random Juggalo
[chanting] "Pan-ty sniff-ers! Pan-ty sniff-ers! Tell you what, he said he'll put on the thong and let you smell it." -- Yelled through a megaphone by a large man wearing a sleeveless black work shirt
"I landed on my belly and just started slidin'. Then the four wheeler hit me in the back." -- A sunburned man in his forties to a sunburned man in his twenties
"Fuck him in the ass with a Sharpie for fifteen dollars!" -- Spoken through a megaphone like a carnival barker in an attempt to get some poor kid enough money to get back to Maine. Minutes earlier, he was taking a kick to the testicles for $5..
"I got some serious shit -- hand sanitizer will save your life. You'll get Gathering-itus." -- One shirtless Juggalo to another
"Hey are you really trippin'? [Waves hands in kid's face] -- Some asshole with no courtesy for people on mind-bending journeys through space and time
Nate "Igor" Smith
-- Yelled over a megaphone by a kid with a heavy amount of facial tattoos who had been stapling dollar bills to himself and later cut off at least one of his nipples for $80. (It is actually this guy! --ed.)
Nate "Igor" Smith
"I'm about to be twerkin'" -- Unknown female voice
"Does anybody wanna buy this megaphone for $50?" -- Shouted through a megaphone
"Why do I do anything? Fuck life." -- Me, after days at an ICP festival
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.