The Napkin Files: Deep Thoughts From Shallow Waters

Lonesome Onry and Mean spends quite a bit of night time in bars and music venues writing random thoughts on bar napkins. Lots and lots of bar napkins. Usually LOM is laboring under the delusion that he's having a brilliant idea, some deep, penetrating minor profundity that will, if not stop the world, at least make it pause and think for second.

Regretfully, most of these mouth wipes do not end up in blogs, but rather end up wadded in anger or befuddlement and flung toward the gaping maw of the trash can. But LOM's editor, the esteemed Rocks Off Sr., thought there must have been some kernel or tidbit worth keeping on many of those napkins, even if in the haze of the day after they didn't have the muscle it takes to become a fully developed story.

Instead, he suggested that when LOM is culling his napkin pile, he compile the best, strangest, weirdest, and stupidest blurbs. So we did.

1. LOM was at Blanco's one night when the headliner seemed to prefer socializing to performing, so she started letting all kinds of people get up and do a couple of songs while she cavorted around shaking hands and pressing the flesh. We won't name the performer - let's just call him X - but we scribbled this description of him as he mangled "Cocaine Blues" with his rhinestone-badass interpretation.

"Mr. X, a grinning, wannabe outlaw from Alabama, has all the taste of Milwaukee's Best. This is sacrilege."

2. Another night we were at Blanco's during the band break when someone dropped a dime on a classic we hadn't heard in ages, Willie Nelson and Jimmy Day doing "Lucky Old Sun."

"The real Texas music."

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William Michael Smith