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Keep Houston Press Free
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The Return of Magic iPod

Time for another round of

Magic iPod

. You know the drill. I ask my iPod a question, hit shuffle, and interpret the answer it gives me. I ask it a few questions to start, and then, gentle Houstoned Rocks readers, I throw open the floor to your queries as well.

This time, Magic iPod gives us the lowdown on our sports teams, the last couple of months of hurricane season, and opines on the housing bubble and peak oil. – John Nova Lomax

Houstoned Rocks: How ‘bout that Dynamo, Magic iPod? How are the odds for a repeat shaping up? Magic iPod: “Ain’t No Way”

HR: Man, you’re always such a bummer. Magic iPod, what’s the prognosis for the second half of the Astros season? Mi: “Freaky Hijiki”

HR: It certainly has been that kind of year. Anything we should expect from the Purpura at the trade deadline? Mi: “Livin’ Ina World Gone Mad”

HR: Well, yeah, we kinda have since Hunsicker bailed on us. What about the Rockets? How about that offseason they’ve had? Mi: “Slinkey”

HR: That certainly does describe Stevie Franchise pretty well, Magic iPod. One last sports question. The Texans – what do you see in their future? Mi: “I Don’t Mind”

HR: Well, a lot of us feel that way. Let’s move on to the weather. The Chronicle trotted out their annual “This hurricane season has been quiet so far, but it’s not time for us to let our guard down yet” article. What do you think the weather will be like the rest of the summer? Mi: “Jake Don’t Know”

HR: I didn’t ask Jake. I asked you. Mi: “Don’t Rock My Boat”

HR: Alright then. What are your thoughts on the housing bubble? Mi: “Heebie Jeebies”

HR: Yeah, they’re going around, for sure. That crank James Howard Kunstler is tying in the bursting of the housing bubble with his theories on Peak Oil. He says we are experiencing Peak Suburbia, and that we are screwed, basically. In about 20 years, he says, we are all gonna be peasant farmers again, clawing desperately amongst ourselves for sweet potato scraps and sucking corn cobs for nourishment. The living will envy the dead, etc. Thoughts? Mi: “Earth Remains the Most Unique Planet in our Solar System”

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HR: That’s cheating, Magic iPod. You took that from a voice talent audition CD I kept for novelty value. I made up that title myself about a year ago, just so it wouldn’t be in there as “track 36” or whatever. And who cares how unique earth is anyway, if we are as fucked as all that? Mi: “Oh No”

HR: What is it, Magic iPod? Mi: “Show me Dat Pussy”

HR:Now you’re just being offensive. Mi: “Let’s go Crazy”

HR: Looks like you already have.

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