This week, Morrissey's possibly long-suffering publicist told Rolling Stone that "The Smiths are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever going to reunite -- ever." The statement, meant to quell old rumors and quotes being dragged out on a slow music news week, was meant with smirks and laughs from longtime Smiths fans and Moz devotees. Like our own Abrahan Garza.
"They might as well try to get Jim Morrison to front The Doors again," says Garza, the preeminent Smiths fan in my life.
He's correct, plus Moz has proven time and time again that he doesn't need Smiths band members like Johnny Marr to play Smiths songs live. He's been doing it since he went solo in the '80s, and quite well.
But even still, every few months someone will create a new rumor and this will be all hashed out all over again, usually around the time of a big festival announcement.
Like Led Zeppelin, the Talking Heads, The Kinks, Oasis, and Pink Floyd, they are a part of an elusive group of bands whose chances of reunion grow ever slimmer by the year as members age, die or get evermore ambivalent.
As I wrote earlier this year, maybe not every one of your favorite bands needs to reunite, just because you want them to. Maybe some of them said their piece over a career and are in fact done with that chapter of their lives.
The time people spending wasting waiting for a Smiths reunion could be spent appreciating the bands that are still together.
Would you want to get back with your high school girlfriend or boyfriend, right now? Say your parents had an awful divorce. Would you wish that they be back together just to reignite some cruel flame in your brain, or do you want them to be happy, even if it means being with other people?
No, we have a sick need to make people who hate each other be together. That's why we fall in love with bastards and shrews, and we make dogs and cats kiss.
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The money and circumstances will never be right because now this is just a game. Each time this sort of thing happens, people start talking about the Smiths again and money gets made, albums are bought for the sixth time.
And this will begin again in about a year, when some Smiths anniversary closes in and the music media and fans will forget every single "ever" in that publicist's statement and instead claim that Marr totally said he signed a contract with Coachella, Reading or Fun Fun Fun Fest to join Moz onstage.
Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe -- just maybe -- that you just had to be there at that time and history to witness a band live and up close to make it special?
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"I don't know man, there were only eight "ever's" in that statement. Seems fishy. Maybe they will reunite after all."
Let sleeping dogs lie, and let the cemetery gates finally, finally, finally, finally close.