On Tuesday, Seattle-Tacoma International Airport announced that they will be launching a new program to promote awareness of music native to their region, wherein famous musicians from the area will announce safety procedures and give informational speeches on the airport. In return, the airport will play the artists' music and show segments highlighting their careers.
The musicians they chose to represent themselves were such famous and understandable choices as Quincy Jones, Pearl Jam, and Death Cab for Cutie's Ben Gibbard, as well as baffling choices including Sir Mix-A-Lot, whose highlight segment will most likely consist entirely of the music video for "Baby Got Back," as well as perhaps some of the parodies of the song used in commercials over the years.
This is a great idea to bring some exposure to local music, to inspire pride in the citizens for what brilliant music their region has produced and to make travelers passing through the airport aware that all these things came from the Seattle and Tacoma area. It's an idea that could be implemented in the Houston area to great effect at our two major airports. After all, Houston has produced some amazing artists over the years and is often overlooked for its contributions to the music world.
But who would be chosen to represent Houston to the world at large? I've made myself the judge of that and decided who I would get to do Houston's very own airport musician voiceovers, picking three smaller names for the smaller Hobby Airport and breaking out three big guns for Bush Intercontinental.
Devin the Dude
I'm going to make a bold assumption and guess that among all the rappers in Houston, Devin the Dude probably smokes the most weed of any of them and that's saying something. Considering that TSA let Freddie Gibbs carry his stash on board a plane last month, Devin and TSA should get along just fine. Perhaps even fine enough for Devin to come by and drop a few lines about what a great job TSA is doing for Houston airports.
I don't know about you, but nothing seems more fitting to me for those creepy moments before getting on a red eye flight, waiting around the deserted Hobby Airport when everything is still yet to open and even employees are making themselves scarce, than the distant, strained voice and disjointed chords of Houston's own elusive Jandek. Imagine the representative from Corwood Industries plodding away on his acoustic guitar and explaining to you what safety precautions will be taking place on your flight. It's scary, but in the way a good horror film sends a chill down your spine.
But say you're not in the mood for a chiller and you just want some light-hearted fun on your airport trip. Well, Waller resident Daniel Johnston may not be all fun and games, but he'd probably make you feel far more at ease on your flight than Jandek would and he'd probably greet you with a pleasant "Hi, how are you?" With his recent, cheery, Beatles-y outlook, Johnston could probably even put your mind at rest while explaining to you why you've been detained for further inspection.
Bush Intercontinental Airport
Let's face it, Lizzie McGuire needs a job. The Houston-born singer and actress hasn't had much going for her since she turned 20 and Miley Cyrus surpassed her as "cutest teen pop idol known by two names." While she's off trying to make a career in indie films (and turning down lucrative roles like The CW's 90210 remake), she can make some extra cash on the side by recording voiceovers for Bush Intercontinental's music program.
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The Woodlands' prodigal son and Grammy award winner finally returned home to play a show last year and started to acknowledge his roots a little more than usual. In particular, he admitted drawing upon inspiration for his songs from his upbringing in Houston's suburbs. So maybe now the Arcade Fire frontman and songwriter could give back by writing a few jingles inspired by Bush Intercontinental Airport's safety regulations! Ok, I admit, that's probably not the most exciting thing to write about, but he owes it to us for all those years between Arcade Fire's first performance in Houston in 2005 at Mary Jane's and their second performance last year.
Of course, who else did you think would be the primary announcer for the largest airport in Houston? And really, if you're flying in style, what better Houstonian's voice to hear telling you how your seatbelts operate? The only improvement that could be made is if she tracked her voice three times for the announcement, complete with one in a higher octave, belting out the last word of each line. Maybe for flights to New York, hubby/baby-daddy Jay-Z could jump on the tracks for an impromptu verse about smuggling drugs on an airplane in his pre-rap days (and, of course, what will happen to you if you get caught doing so in 2012).