Russell Brand: Don't get the idea that we're women-haters here at Rocks Off. There are men who are just as deserving of the title of "skank" as any woman, and Russell Brand, aka. Mr. Katy Perry, fills that bill quite nicely even though, we must admit, his stand-up isn't bad and he tends to make watchable movies.

Do you know why he dresses like a bisexual rock-star dandy on his way to an Everything Gets Sucked party at Elton John's place circa 1976? It's because underneath all that stylish finery, he's looking pretty haggard. That beard is hiding some premature jowls, his skin retains a typical English corpse-like pallor, and his general demeanor is that of having only minutes ago been kicked out of a taxi for shitting his $800 pants.

Sure, he's skinny, but it's not a healthy skinny, it looks more like he's been subsisting on a diet of whiskey, cigarettes and cocktail peanuts since he graduated high school. If he even knows what a shower is, it would be a humongous surprise. When Katy leads him in to bathe him, she has to speak to him in a soothing, reassuring voice so that he doesn't pick up the toilet plunger and start swatting at the spigots in caveman-like fear and confusion.

She has to reassure him that it's just a bathtub and ordinary water, instead of some kind of mechanical water snake she's trying to feed him to.