While perusing the internet, I came across the description of a service that claims to make it easier to read books. It’s called Magibook, and its pitch is, “Turn HARD books into EASY books! Maximize your reading potential and avoid difficult language today!”
What’s the secret? The Magibook app uses AI to remove all of the style and artfulness that the original author provided, along with contemporizing the phraseology. Here’s a sample, using the opening line from a classic of literature. The Great Gatsby: (original text) “In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. (revised text) “When I was young, my dad told me something that I still think about.”
The mind boggles. This is like telling a vinophile, “Hey, forget about those hints of black licorice, violets and berry this 2000 Chateau Margaux cab. Check out some Electric Melon Mad Dog 20/20 instead. It’s much easier to chug.”
Naturally, I began to consider some possibilities suggested by this new approach.
The Bible: (original) “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep.” (revision) “Nothing was going on, then God stepped in and got to work, and lots of stuff happened later.”
Anna Karenina: (original) “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” (revision) “Haters gonna hate.”
A Tale of Two Cities: (original) “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” (revision) “Back in the day, no one could figure out what they thought.”
Catcher in the Rye: (original text) “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.” (revision) “Yeah, I’ve got a back story, but it’s none of your damn business.”
The Old Man and the Sea: (original) “He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish.” (revision) “An old man had been wasting a lot of time in his boat.”
Middlemarch: (original) “Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress.” (revised text) “Miss Brooke was pretty hot, but she didn’t have much fashion sense.”
The Razor’s Edge: (original) “I have never begun a novel with more misgiving.” (revision) “I really shouldn’t be telling you this.”
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: (original text) “We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like ‘I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…’ And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas.” (revised text) “We were driving to Las Vegas going really fast. I was kind of buzzed, and then I started tripping balls.”
Ticket Alert
Since growing up in New Orleans and playing in the Batiste Family Band as a youngster, Jon Batiste has studied at the Juilliard School, served as the bandleader on Stephen Colbert’s talk show, recorded bestselling albums and composed a symphony. In addition to all that, Batiste also plays on the road, and he will bring the “Big Money” tour to the Smart Financial Centre on Saturday, October 4. Tickets are on sale now.
Also coming to the Smart Centre in October is the “Cosmic Roundup and Rodeo Tour,” a triple bill headlined by Dwight Yoakam with guitarist Marcus King and Los Lonely Boys opening, on Thursday, October 16. The three acts are each coming from different directions, but they all arrive at a mutually rootsy center one way or another. Various presales are in progress now, with the general sale on Friday.
Tickets are still available for The Mars Volta (The Mars Volta, not just any Mars Volta, dammit) at the 713 Music Hall on Tuesday, October 28. Like a latter-day, Texas-based Steely Dan, The Mars Volta centers around two individuals, in this case Omar Rodríguez-López and Cedric Bixler-Zavala, with satellite musicians orbiting around them. The band is on tour in support of its recently released album, Lucro Sucio; Los Ojos Del Vacio (Dirty Profit; The Eyes Of The Void), an effort which, fortunately, does nothing to diminish The Mars Volta’s wiggy reputation.
Concerts This Week
Houston rockers King’s X will play Warehouse Live Midtown on Friday. The band’s most recent album, Three Sides of One, was released a few years ago, but to the faithful, that really doesn’t make a difference. Fans from King X’s glory days of the early ‘90s will be glad just to have the guys back in Houston.
Singer-songwriter Ryan Adams has weathered some major PR kerfuffles over the past few years. He developed a well-deserved reputation as an enfant terrible during his days with Whiskeytown, and his shenanigans have continued throughout his time as a solo artist. However, things seem to have quieted down as of late, and Adams is back on tour, with a show scheduled for Saturday at the Heights Theater. Say what you will about Adams, but he is prolific, having released six albums in the past year and a half.
Summer is here (OK, maybe not according to the calendar, but have you walked outside lately?), and that means it’s time for Buzzfest at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion. Saturday’s daylong concert will feature Chevelle, Marilyn Manson, Blue October, P.O.D., Evans Blue, Stabbing Westward and Sleep Theory, and the first band goes on at 1 p.m. This being the case, be sure to stay hydrated and pace yourself – it will be a long day, with plenty of jams to kick out.
Ryan Bingham has been a rodeo bull rider, a singer-songwriter, an actor and a bourbon magnate during his career, but it looks like, at least for the moment, he’s concentrating on music. Bingham’s “All Night Long” tour will hit the 713 Music Hall on Tuesday, and an online blurb promises “A raw, intimate, and authentic night where the atmosphere extends far beyond the music.” Additionally, “tour sponsor activations” and “interactive brand experiences” are promised. Two different VIP packages are available, the primary difference between them being that one includes a drink ticket and the other doesn’t.
