It seems that there's something in the musician water lately, and it's causing an epidemic of WTF-inducing choices that are just begging to be written about. Headlines are popping up daily about abandoned pet monkeys, pixelated photos, and Skrillex hair, and this shit's getting weird.
But rather than bombard you with multiple rants about this series of unfortunate (musical) events, I'm going to round them all up and side-eye them all in one post.
So here ya go. Musicians, you've all lost your damn minds.
Let's start off with Ray J and the whole "I Hit It First" media-stunt of a song. For those of you who don't know the background, Ray J dated Kim Kardashian back in the day. From that blessed union came a leaked sex tape, Kim's instant fame, and an inundation of everything Kardashian.
Thing was, Ray J only had a lukewarm career to begin with, and the leaked sex tape didn't solidify celeb status for him. So instead of just letting his career fizzle out (if you can call it a career -- I personally have my doubts), he decided to grace us a mere six years later with a single devoted to his ex, who is now having a baby with Kanye West.
Here it is, if you want to scrape your eardrums with desperation.
But now that Ray J is getting a little more backlash than he anticipated, he's publicly proclaiming that despite the proof being in the pudding, we are all crazy and this song is actually not about Kim.
Silly me. This song must be about that other chick he made a sex tape with who is now dating Mr. West. And it's someone else's photo he pixelated to look like Kim's.
Nobody believes that, honey. Just own it; you recorded a song about Kanye West's girlfriend because you needed a way to grab headlines. We can all see that your pants are on fire from the denial, and to be honest, it makes you look a little bit crazy.
Anyway, Ray J seems awfully thirsty, so let's get him some water and move on.
Little ol' Justin Bieber is another one who is teetering on the edge of sanity. In the past few weeks, he's allegedly given illegal tattoos, shaved his hair like Skrillex, abandoned his pet monkey in Germany, and now he's gone and given a shout-out to holocaust victim Anne Frank.
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On a trip to the Anne Frank House last week, Bieber is credited with writing in the guest book, calling Anne a "great girl" and saying that he hopes she would have been a "belieber." Um, I think Anne might have had other, more historically important things on her plate, Biebs.
To his credit, at least he didn't go so far as to say he would have made her "one less lonely girl" or something equally as awful, but still. It's obnoxious and flat-out strange for Bieber to pull Anne Frank into his delusions of grandeur.
Also, isn't it about time he picks up his monkey? Time's a tickin'.
And speaking of delusions, let's discuss this Rick Ross "rape lyrics" controversy, and what's sprung from that toxic well.
Rick Ross -- who I will discuss in the fewest sentences possible because I find this entire thing abhorrent -- decided to be an idiot and rap about putting Molly in his date's drink and taking her home to "enjoy it" without her even knowing it. I know, gross.
People got pissed, pushed Reebok to drop him as brand ambassador (which they did), and expected him to apologize. He didn't initially, saying that the lyrics were misinterpreted. He's finally issued an apology, and it's here if you want to read it, but I stand by my idiot comment.
Where it gets even more mind-numbing is the part where Slim Thug, Meek Mill and Rocko step in to defend Ross, because why not jump on that ill-fated bandwagon?
Rocko, for his part, threw shade at Reebok for dropping Ross, stating that Ross changed the face of the brand because (ahem) prior to Ross's campaign, wearing Reebok was equivalent to a cardinal sin. Yes, Rocko, wearing Reeboks -- not raping women while they're passed out because you drugged their champagne -- is the cardinal sin in this equation.
Meek Mill went a step further, calling Reebok "corny" and dragging Biggie Smalls into this mess, saying that at least Ross hadn't rapped about how he was raping kids and throwing them over the bridge, which he incorrectly attributed as lyrics from Notorious B.I.G.'s song, "What's Beef". I'm not even sure what to say about that.
Oh, and Slim Thug -- who otherwise has nothing to do with Rick Ross's crew or song -- said that the "haters won" while making his own asinine comments about women on Molly on Twitter, which he's since taken down.
So yeah. Things have gotten strange, if I do say so myself.
You've got Bieber abandoning his monkey, rocking Skrillex hair, and trying to tarnish poor Anne Frank with the label of "belieber." You've got Ray J trying to cover his ass about his pathetic attempt at relevance, and you've got Rick Ross, Meek Mill, Slim Thug, and Rocko all basically condoning rape lyrics. I'm slow-clapping the shit out of this.
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And when you consider those antics, and you throw into the mix things like Miley Cyrus's unicorn twerking and broomstick-sized blunts, and LL Cool J and Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" debacle, and Psy's new single, this month has all been one huge mess of musicians losing their minds.