Thanksgiving is in ten days, and then we'll all be fully immersed in the holiday season. While shopping recently, I noticed that Taylor Swift now has her own greeting-card line featuring her photography and sweet words.
If you were to receive one such card from a loved one, would you swell with fuzzy warm joy and thoughts of kittens and double rainbows? Oh, you're a few years older than 16? You just threw up in your mouth a little? What a bunch of cynics.
That being said, there is a cornucopia of artist-branded merchandise for you to give those close to you this holiday season. To help get your personal wish list started, here is a selection of the greatest music-related kitsch currently available in stores and online.
10. 1D Girl Talk Board Game
The pop crush du jour, UK boy band One Direction, is the subject of this board game where you and all your friends answer trivia questions about 1D or engage in some kind of truth or dare. Whoever completes the game first gets the special VIP backstage pass! Disclaimer: Winning this game does not actually guarantee you a pass to meet One Direction, though, so calm down.
9. Brush Buddies Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush
This electric toothbrush plays two minutes' worth of a Justin Bieber hit, encouraging you to brush your teeth until the song stops. It's sold at many large chain retail stores. (Rocks Off brushed for the full two minutes back in April.) Disclaimer: If you're not a Belieber, this may promote tooth decay...
8. 2013 Beatles Special Edition Wall Calendar
Oh, you like music? Well, there's The Beatles, and a lot of folks do. They are one of the most popular, versatile, talented, etc. bands of all time, so you can't go wrong with this classy little calendar.
7. Men's Nickelback Graphic Tee
A lot of folks talk about how much they dislike Nickelback, so this is for all of you proud fans. Don't let the haters bring you down. Promote your love of this terribly mediocre band, not that you heard that from me.
6. Grey Snoop Dogg Dog Hoodie
This may be a little outdated, as Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr. now prefers to be known as Snoop Lion. I have seen variations of this pet garment in novelty stores, although I'm not sure how happy this dog looks. Hopefully it's happy, as this hoodie is obviously meant for straight dizzle double-dog chilling.
5. Minor Threat Baby Onesie
One of these things is not like the other. This is for a little minor threat! But just for now, because he or she will grow up to be a major threat, of course. As I pause sifting through my Velveeta box of cheesy things to say here, I must say that this is somehow simply adorable. Granted, this is a DIY onesie, but the materials to make something like this can easily be bought in stores! Moving on...
4. I (Heart) fun. Rubber Bracelet
Here's a fun, inexpensive gift to give for fun. This is not just any fun, but fun merchandise from the band fun. Too bad I'm not convinced that fun is really all that fun. Maybe I just wanted the chance that to say that.
3. AC/DC the Wine
Here's another classy one. Australian winemaker Warburn Estate produces this wine, varieties of which are named after some of AC/DC's greatest hits: Hells Bells Sauvignon Blanc (pictured above) and Highway to Hell Cabernet Sauvignon. Shall I say highway to drunk? This past July, several Houston Press staff members tasted this wine and talked about it.
2. Joe Perry's Hot Sauce
Joe Perry's Rock Your World Sauces have been a big seller at specialty-food stores. The Aerosmith guitarist has also said that he will soon be selling his "Rockin' Roni Mac & Cheese" cheesy macaroni-and-cheese product.
1. The Beatles Yellow Submarine Lego Set
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Last, but certainly not most (or least), is a Lego version of The Beatles.