The good people over at Aggronautix have done it again. The toy company has been releasing bobbleheads of punk-rock luminaries such as GG Allin and the Descendents' Milo Aukerman for the past year.
Rocks Off has been lucky enough to snag a few. Sitting a few feet from us right now are the two versions of Allin (one dirty; one even dirtier), plus Milo Hamilton clutching his microphone decked out in his trademark horned-rim glasses. [Ed. Note: Please retire already.]
A few weeks back, the company sent us pictures of their new additions, which include Andrew WK - who we may well be seeing at the Vans Warped Tour while you read this; why don't you go ahead and check over at @hprocksoff - and The Plasmatics' Wendy O. Williams. They have also rolled out a smaller version of Allin, the perfect size for your car's dashboard.
This got us to thinking about the bobbleheads we would like to see. Lemmy and Johnny Cash have been bobbled, as has Glenn Danzig. But we think that there are plenty of poppers who could use the big-head treatment.
And yes, that is what she said.
1. Courtney Love: Why not make a tiny bobbled Love, with a tiny cigarette and her own personal bobblehead assistant clutching an iPhone at all times to catch all the action? Somewhere along the line, we remember seeing a Kurt Cobain doll as well. Put these two together to live on together, a la Toy Story.
2. Miley Cyrus: If you have been following the tabloid blogs, you will shamefully see that Miley Cyrus is quickly heading straight past Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and straight into full-on soft-core porn territory. Just ask Perez Hilton, who thought it prudent to flash a picture of the child's vagina on Twitter.
3. Lady Gaga: Yes, we know. Rocks Off is turning into Gaga Off lately. But the chick is interesting as shit. These things could be sold at a premium at her shows and people wouldn't care about the cost at this point. Make them naked or drape them in cigarette butts. Pretty anything you could put on them would constitute a possible Gaga wardrobe choice. Ripped-up copy of a Joel Osteen book? Why not?
4. Meat Loaf: We went back and forth on this one: Which Meatloaf should we honor? Bob from Fight Club, the bus driver from Spice World, or the classic tattered tuxedo Meat from the Bat Out of Hell era? We went with the latter. He's here in town in August at House of Blues. Maybe this one can happen so he can sign it for us?
5. Katy Perry: We aren't saying we would propose marriage and children to a booble, uh, bobblehead, but we could make an exception. Smash that Russell Brand doll to shreds in the street. If we can't have this doll, no one can.
6. The Black Keys: Something tells us that a lot of babies are going to be made this year because of this band's new Brothers album. Everyone we know gets the vapors when they hear it, so why not have the boys bobbling next to your bed as you make little people to the album?
7. Justin Bieber: "Hi, I'm Chris Hansen. Why don't you take a seat right over there? Do you buy bobbleheads of pubescent-looking pop stars often? What possessed you to do such a thing? We have a transcript right here of your phone call to the bobblehead company..."
8. Erykah Badu: The only bobblehead that will arrive weeks and weeks late, just like its human counterpart who makes her crowds wait an hour for her to go on. It also comes with a mock-up Grassy Knoll to get nekkid on.
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9. Insane Clown Posse: These already exist, thanks to the marketing genius of the Dark Carnival. But why not make his and her Juggalo figurines? We can roll out a naked Juggalette, like the ones who saw on Washington Avenue last month, complete with scratch 'n sniff Faygo scent on their hair. The male Juggalos can come with a button you push that sprays the soda at passersby.
10. KeSha: We don't know KeSha personally, but she looks like the kind of girl who pukes rancid sushi in your car and doesn't change her bra for days. Call us crazy, but we don't think a doll with her countenance should exist. Let's just a make a Hitler or bin Laden bobblehead while we are at it.