'Tis the summer season for tying the knot. But curse the occasion for creating the ultimate breeding ground for bad music - wedding receptions. It's one thing to unplug the jukebox in an act of defiance or flee a venue playing bad songs (I've done all of the above), but one doesn't exactly have those options when attending your friends' formal celebration of their love.
Unless you don't mind being the reception's token drunk asshole. Every wedding has one.
While I maintain the soundtrack to my wedding reception will be as simply orchestrated as: "Step 1. Connect iPod; Step 2. Choose 'Shuffle,'" there are some songs that should be filed under "wedding no-nos." Future brides and grooms, for the sake of your wedding guests, please 86 these ten tracks from your reception playlist.
10. "John Mayer, "Daughters": While I (sort of) understand the initial, on-paper appeal of this song for a father-daughter dance (by someone who actually likes John Mayer), please consider the creepiness of its lyrics before choosing it.
9. Katy Perry, "I Kissed a Girl": For obvious reasons. I mean, have you considered what your brand-new in-laws are thinking come chorus-time?
8. Wilson Pickett, "Mustang Sally": I don't really understand why this song is played at so many weddings, but it seems to be. This song only belongs on jukeboxes in bars I hope to never be in.
7. Van Morrison, "Brown Eyed Girl": It's a good, fun song, and I myself have brown eyes, but so do half of the women in the world; I wouldn't expect blue-eyed brides to play Velvet Underground's "Pale Blue Eyes." It loses novelty when played ad nauseum. Plus, it's too literal-- and not in a Billy Idol "White Wedding" kind of way, because that song was actually written for his sister.
6. Beyonce, "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It": It's your wedding. Meaning, he did put a ring on it. Playing this song is only reminding your single bridesmaids and friends that they're not married, and convincing the ones with significant others that, unless he "puts a ring on it," he might not actually "like it." That said, I think this song is mostly accurate, so you do the math.
5. Eric Clapton, "Wonderful Tonight": Again with the trite, forced romanticism. Besides, it should be considered bad luck to play an Eric Clapton song at your wedding.
4. James Blunt, "You're Beautiful": As much as I support the institution of marriage and its public celebration, they are sentimental on their very own, making sugary-sweet songs like this one too over-the-top. Not to mention, it's just a terrible song.
3. The Village People, "YMCA": Because no one looks cool waving their hands in the air in letter shapes... unless they're wearing construction-worker and policeman uniforms. Or an Indian headdress. You might as well play the "Chicken Dance."
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2. Anything by the Black Eyed Peas: Whatever song it is, your guests already hear it daily, on every commercial, in every club, and during every televised sports game. Can we agree to omit it from also hearing it at such a sacred occasion?
1. Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On": Great song, but... save it for the honeymoon suite.