As the sole in-house bearer of the Rocks Off tattoo load (aside from Brandon K. Hernsberger and Brittanie Shey), we get asked to do a lot of tattoo-related musical blogs. It's cool, because worse things could happen. We aren't killing dogs at the pound nor are we the lead singer of Slightly Stoopid. Life is all right. This weekend, the Body Art Expo pulls into Reliant Park with hundreds of tattoo artists and piercing experts in tow to show off their wares. It's a good-sized event, with a few luminaries from both fields making their way to Houston to carouse with fellow tattooers and do custom work while they are in town; the show runs from this afternoon until Sunday evening. Writing about other people's tattoo choices is weird, because we know that people could easily turn around and make fun of our own. Yes, that pineapple on our leg is also a grenade, and yes, that is in fact the lead singer of Turbonegro on our forearm for eternity. Some of these following tattoos are utterly baffling. We love music more than we can put into words and we have our share of music-oriented ink on our skin, but Jesus Christ, a Clay Aiken tattoo? You can't even play that off. It's Clay Aiken. Forever. For-ev-ur.
Creed: It's a Creed tramp stamp. Fellas, can you imagine dating a girl for a few weeks and finding this one night while you are on the couch watching a movie?
Nickelback 1: At least if you got an album cover from Nickelback, people wouldn't notice it so much as a Nickelback tattoo. Seriously, who remembers what Silver Side Up looked like? This is like tattooing "ear rapist" across your arm, because that's what they are. Ear rapists.
Nickelback 2: Or, if you really hate Nickelback, show it off for the rest of your life with a depiction of lead singer Chad Kroeger singing into a penis. Personally we would have gone a little more elaborate. Rhinestones, a unicorn, five penises...
Clay Aiken: This person won't wish this tattoo will be "Invisible" when they get older, and that's kind of endearing. It takes balls to get an American Idol contestant inked on your body. Kudos to you, anonymous batshit Claymate.
Britney Spears: Of the hundreds of pictures of Britney Spears, you choose her at her lowest for a tattoo. How about getting Rihanna's Chris Brown-ed face, or Phil Spector's mugshot tatted on you? Maybe a JFK autopsy snapshot right across your back?
Lady Gaga: We like Lady Gaga just like every other conflicted straight man in America, but that's just a bad representation.
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Adam Duritz: It's going to be a few dozen long Decembers until Mr. Jones gets laid round here with an Adam Duritz tattoo on his back. Looks like he has been hanginaround the wrong crowd. Shit, we know too many Counting Crows songs by heart.
Staind: Dude, or chick, at least get a good Staind song's lyrics on your body. What was that one with the mudshovels?
Jimmy Buffett: Was this person born an asshole, or did they work at it their whole life? Either way it worked out fine, because they now have a Jimmy Buffett tattoo on them forever.