Top 5 WTF Music Award Acceptance Speeches

As we may have mentioned once or twice, tonight Rocks Off and the Houston Press reveal the winners of this year's 2010 Houston Press Music Awards over at Warehouse Live. It's a free show, with performances from nominees like Nick Gaitan's Umbrella Man, Fat Tony, Los Skarnales, Grandfather Child, Tax The Wolf, and fan fave Lee Alexander.

The past few years, the HPMAs have been relatively tame, except for last year when the Zydeco Dots chastised the Rocks Off team for not covering the zydeco scene like TMZ would a Lindsay Lohan bank robbery.

In 2007, when this member of Rocks Off was just a padawan running Drenched In Blog, we attended our first awards show with the team. This was the year the Zydeco Dots thanked the Houston Post, the long-defunct daddy paper in town that stopped circulation the day before this writer's twelfth birthday, for their award.

That was also the year that Little Joe Washington declared that "I'm a bad motherfucker. I don't know what the hell I'm here for," after winning Best Blues. We often feel the same way almost everywhere we are, ever.

We found the five biggest WTF music-award acceptance speeches. Let's just hope that some of you Houston cats can outdo some of these luminaries. We know you have it in you.

5. Mariah Carey: For once we can actually say that Mariah Carey was drunk because she actually admits to being drunk. This is the pinnacle of lushdom, from the copious cleavage to the slurring words. She's a pizza delivery boy porno waiting to happen.

4. Kanye West: It's hard to tell if Kanye is being sarcastic in this Brit Awards clip, but we like it all the same. He comes off as a petulant child having to tell his grandmother he likes the Cosby sweater she knitted him.

3. Fever Ray: This is literally a face-melter, har-har. Fever Ray is the solo project of Karin Dreijer Andersson of the Knife, who were always known for their icy synths. When she went solo, obviously, things were gonna get weird. Then they got considerably weirder at Sweden's P3 awards this past January.

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2. Fiona Apple: Apple's "This world is bullshit" was our go-to quote after this went down at the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards. Got a D on your biology project? This world is bullshit. Your mom took away your learner's permit? This world is bullshit.

1. John Lydon: Granddaddy of agitation John "Rotten" Lydon took the time to lash out at the British music press at the 2008 Mojo Honors. First, director Julien Temple softens up the crowd and then Lydon comes out in his night clothes and screams for an hour like an Irish Sam Kinison about "pussy wipes" and reality.

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