Well folks, it's finally happened. The world of Suzi Quatro and the world of vampires have collided. Gothtopia hopes you've enjoyed his writings here at Rocks Off, and regrets leaving you at the mid-season mark of True Blood. For you see, there is now simply nothing left to live for, and we're gonna go take a nap on the MetroRail.
Or maybe this is just us finally working a Saturday viewing of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse out of our system. Jesus. The next person who asks us, "Team Edward or Team Jacob?" is getting a shoryuken right in the taint.
The fifth episode is called "Trouble," as in an old Elvis Presley track that Quatro recorded in 1974. Frankly, the King's sneering ode to being badass was not real well-received when she sang it; most people thought she brought no menace to the track. Screw them. We're Team Leather Tuscadero here. Just because someone's cute doesn't mean that they won't make you more aerodynamic by adding a few assholes to you. See exhibit "Stackhouse, Sookie."
Gothtopia doesn't actually talk about Sookie (Anna Paquin) a lot in this column. Like Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the real genius of the character and Paquin's portrayal is being an incredibly stable anchor for an amazing cast.
Though Sookie is the series' driving force, a lot of the good lines and scenes tend to go to the peripheral players. This episode was no different, with plenty of time being spent away from our heroine, but it all built up to the grand finale where Sookie pulled the same Jedi Bitch-Slap Trick she used on Maryanne the Maenad in Season 2, this time on a vampire goon who'd come to fetch her for the pleasure of the King of Mississippi.
SPOILER ALERT FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOKS
Sookie is descended from faeries. That's where the telepathy comes in, and in the True Blood universe faerie blood is like Ben and Jerry's sprinkled with cocaine and served on a naked Zooey Deschanel. It drives vampires crazy, and most humans too.
That explains the universal attraction by the fangers. That and, you know, she's hot. But there's one other thing about fairie blood. If you haven't been paying attention, people who cross Sookie, be they vampire, demigod, human, or other, usually end up dead, really dead, or so dead that "puddle" would be a more accurate term.
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I never look for trouble, but I never ran And I don`t take no orders from no kind of man I`m only made out of flesh blood and bone But if you gonna start a rumble don`t you try it all alone
If those lines, girly-growled by Quatro don't sum up the awesomeness that is Sookie Stackhouse, then nothing else ever will.
Be sure to visit the Loving True Blood in Dallas blog, where Jef With One F is a semi-regular contributor to the podcast this season.