Rocks Off's editor loves Urban Dictionary so much that he keeps hoping that a human/computer marriage amendment will somehow allow him to marry the Web site. He also uses it to argue with your humble narrator about the proper spelling of the word "t'ain't." We wonder if this introduction will make it through the editing process.
Shirley not! Maybe he's not even reading our introductions and we can say anything! Eunuch! Flautist! The Annexation of Puerto Rico!
Ed. Note: Please stop calling me Shirley.
Regardless, Urban Dictionary is a semi-legit forum for us humble folk without letters after our names to define those pop-culture terms floating around us to our friends who may be a tad slow on the Internet uptake. Here are a few of our favorite music definitions from the site.
11: A Crapella: Singing out loud while listening to music with your headphones on. Whereas the singer gets the benefit of the music, those unfortunate enough to be standing nearby are subjected to an unaccompanied (and invariably crappy) rendition of the song.
I wish Hlavaty would turn his iPod off - his a crapella version of "Bad Romance" is killing me.
10. Air Guitar: In an age where man has abandoned God, the air guitar remains the only representation of mankind's ultimate faith in the unseen.
Adam was listening to "Communication Breakdown" by Led Zeppelin and it was nearing the kickass guitar solo. But he had no guitar. So he took matters into his own hands. He played air guitar and never stopped rocking.
9. Bieber: A unit of measurement used to gauge the level of discomfort caused by hemorrhoids. Each unit is roughly equivalent to the pain and discomfort of watching a Justin Bieber video.
I'd give it a four on the Bieber scale.
8. Britney Spears: More hated in America than Osama bin Laden... and that's really, really sad.
Britney can't compensate for her fake personality just by being hot.
7. Concert Resume: A complete and comprehensive list of concerts that one has attended. Often casual conversation between fellow concertgoers.
Today I added Rock on the Range to my concert resume, which was already more than impressive. Note: Not if it included Rock on the Range.
Resale Concert Tickets
Houston Symphony: Robert Franz - Twas the Night Before Christmas
Saturday, Dec. 14, 2019 / 10:00am @ Jones Hall for the Performing Arts 615 Louisiana St Houston TX 77208615 Louisiana St, Houston TX 77208View more dates and times at this location >
Houston Symphony: Michael Krajewski - Very Merry Pops
Saturday, Dec. 14, 2019 / 8:00pm @ Jones Hall for the Performing Arts 615 Louisiana St Houston TX 77208615 Louisiana St, Houston TX 77208View more dates and times at this location >
6. DJ: A prefix that will make anyone's name sound less important.
DJ Bill Clinton.
5. Indie: An obscure form of rock which you only learn about from someone slightly more hip than yourself.
I'd name some of my favorite indie bands, but you've probably never heard of them.
4. Punk: "A guy walks up to me and asks, "What's Punk?" So I kick over a garbage can and say, "That's punk!" So he kicks over the garbage can and says, "That's Punk?" I say, "No that's trendy!"
You're not punk.
3. Singer: 1. A limelight hogging, selfish twat. A singer usually loves to be loved and doesn't think about the rest of the band. Then the band leaves them and their singing times are in tatters. Ha! Serves you right you dicks.
2. Oh, and they are not actually musically talented unless they actually write lyrics. If you're a tribute singer or someone writes your songs you're a stupid tool.
Singer (to fans): Thanks, I love all of you!
Band: Ummm, You're a douche. We're going, bye.
2. Radio: 1. A device that uses crystals and wire to pick up a signal sent through packs of waves through the air to produce sound.
2. A box that plays shitty music.
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1. In electronics class we had to make a radio.
2. That CD sounds just like the radio.
1. Vuvuzela: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Jef With One F is the author of The Bible Spelled Backwards Does Not Change the Fact That You Cannot Kill David Arquette and Other Things I Learned In the Black Math Experiment, available now.