Saturday nights at the Caldwell residence usually revolve around people being asleep or watching TV until ungodly hours of the morning. It's a routine, there's levels to it, and if we're not talking about watching SportsCenter past 1 a.m., we're talking about watching whatever is on Netflix.
Take this past weekend, for example. I'm supposed to be dead tired, ready to see a bed and swan-dive into it like some gymnast who just executed a perfect tuck and stuck the landing. But my body says, "OH NO, FORGET SLEEP. WE DON'T SLEEP. WE WATCH NETFLIX TIL WE PASS OUT."
So we watched Netflix til we passed out.
The thing is this: Netflix, for all intents and purposes, is the greatest thing man ever made for stoners and fake-deep people. It has also replaced Blockbuster for more unintentionally funny bargain black comedies and dramas than anything in human existence. Some, but maybe all, involve Clifton Powell ("Pinky" from Next Friday) being in them. There's a 74 percent chance Clifton Powell will be in a movie in your Netflix queue; word to George Zimmerman.
On this night, there was a cheesy title called Video Girl staring us directly in the face. Probably because it had Meagan Good in the starring role and Ruby Dee(!) in a supporting part, along with Haylie Duff. Maybe because it had the easiest description in human history and was bound to pack every cliche about the rap world for a video vixen into it. It had ...
Wait, did that say Bun B? Can't be. Bun doesn't do movies. Not often, anyway. Let's go to IMDB and...
HOLY SHIT THAT DOES SAY BUN B! INSTANT WATCH.
If you're not about that life and don't watch the movie I can pretty much sum it up for you here. Meagan Good is a chick who has a dead-end job, her male best friend is soon to play in some sports league and she has nowhere to go. Her sister takes her out to the club and they meet a video director who likes her looks, blasé blasé, and she becomes "video girl" famous appearing on magazine covers and doing radio interviews before bottoming out on coke and going to rehab.
And I think she gets her male best friend to fall in love with her in some sort of Captain Save-A-Meagan-Good way, but I digress. She's not really the star of the movie. Not her, not Juelz Santana (who makes an appearance), not LisaRaye and not even the GARGANTUAN amount of real-life video chicks who offer quasi-testimonials in the beginning.
No, the real power of this movie? BUN. B.
Bun plays CK. The gangster. The trill hood boss who is dating Meagan Good's sister, and who -- in no less than FOUR scenes -- instantly becomes the most gripping thing about the movie. The moment we see him in the first TEN MINUTES he's pissed off, mad about some dude not having his money and roaring about it like his verse from "Murder." He then goes to the club with Good and her sister and remains brooding like a boss. That's "You're Everything" Bun: careful, meticulous and will whenever necessary punch somebody out.
Wait, he does punch somebody out. I just wish he had a catchphrase after he did it. You know, since he is the greatest Port Arthur rap superhero outside of his brother Pimp C. Sadly, Bun being Bun does have consequences, such as the powerful scene that changes EVERYTHING in the movie and makes us feel sad and teary-eyed and shit because Bun's loyal-ass girlfriend tried to help him after some D-level thugs who can't fight the mighty Bun B one-on-one jumped him, Mortal Kombat-style.
And then she died.
Yet that's not all. Because Bun shows up to her house following the funeral and while everybody is in mourning -- Bun included -- RUBY DEE ATTACKS BUN B. Let's say that again, shall we? Ruby Dee, who was probably part of the greatest black actor/actress husband-and-wife duo with Ossie Davis, starred in Do The Right Thing and ranks on the Mount Rushmore of black TV/movie mother/grandmothers, is legit HURT over the fact that Bun's ways sadly resulted in her daughter getting killed.
How does Bun react? STOIC. REMORSEFUL. Oscar-caliber.
We need more Bun B movies. Why couldn't the movie be about Bun B? Obviously not titled Video Girl, but I mean honestly, Webbie was in the movie, in all his ignorant glory. We couldn't have had a spinoff movie where we find out what happens to Bun's character following his girlfriend's death, and he turns into some vigilante out for revenge? Or as a serial killer who slashes victims who text and drive? Anything?
Maybe it's on Netflix already.
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