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Waiting Room: The Brand-New Health-Care Package Needs Its Own Soundtrack

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This past week, the health-care reform debate reached an end, as the bill was passed by Congress Sunday night and signed into law by President Barack Obama on Tuesday. At stake was the health and well-being of millions of uninsured Americans who now stand to be covered by socialized government health care, not unlike the systems found in Europe and Canada. The debate has reached epic proportions, with Democrats and Republicans both receiving death threats from constituents and voters who are angered by the new bill. Some see it as the end of America as we know it, while others hail it as the beginning of a new even playing field for every citizen to have the right to medical care. Rocks Off is just a music journalist, so we have no special insight into the bill that our readers won't already have. On our own end, we will say that if the condition of our country's VA hospitals is any indication, government health has a long way to go to improve on any level. The horrors that our reported out of those facilities (maggot infestation, accidental overdoses) are something that gives us pause when we think on just how the government would treat the citizens at large. When Rocks Off broke our elbow last year, we didn't have insurance, so we ended up paying inflated costs for treatment. Some would say that that was an abomination and that in any polite, humane society, medical care would be a right and not the privilege of those with the extra dough. A very vocal contingent says Rocks Off should have had the money saved up for such an occurrence and that getting health coverage is our responsibility, not the beleaguered system at large. Eh, yeah...we aren't very good at writing about politics, but you get the gist. We are just as confused as you are. Here are ten songs about our country's uncertain, but certainly interesting, health-care future. We promise it's not a baby-killer. "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Like a Surgeon": Some say we are going to begin dealing with inexperienced government doctors, akin to Civil War-era butchers who hacked off limbs in the field. Those people have obviously never played "Operation" or chuckled at this Weird "Al" song. Lighten up! Quiet Riot, "Metal Health": What's going to happen to those of us who are mental unstable? What will the government do for the folks seeing Abraham Lincoln making tea with Darth Vader in the corner? KISS, "Calling Dr. Love": The quality of doctors and nurses is for sure an issue as we discussed. Will we get a boatload of Doogie Howser whiz kids, or will we get mechanics who somehow learned how to do blood transfusions? Fugazi, "Waiting Room": We're gonna be doing a lot of waiting in waiting rooms, apparently, to hear Glenn Beck tell it - a man who makes millions of dollars a year and could hire his own live-in doctor if he felt like it. Testament, "Malpractice": This may come up a lot as well, but who are you going to complain to? Can't fight city hall, kid. Disturbed, "Down With The Sickness": This song is what being sick actually feels like. It's supposed to make you feel empowered to fight a dude at a sports bar or mow the grass, but it's pretty much the best aural synthesis of what a migraine or diarrhea effects you.

Bon Jovi, "Bad Medicine": Will you be given the wrong dosage when it comes time for your prescription? Overdosing is only cool if it is 1970 and you are Jimi Hendrix. Otherwise it's bush league and bad for your career. Tsk Tsk... The Velvet Undergound, "Lady Godiva's Operation": Another big fear is that with inexperienced medical staff, you could fall out of anesthesia too soon and experience every rending cut and gouge of surgery, just like the title character of this song. Failure, "The Nurse Who Loved Me": Nurses are kinda hot; in fact, we even dressed as a slutty one for Halloween one year. Will nurses still be fetishised over in 20 years when government health care is commonplace, or will they be barbaric torturers in teddy-bear printed scrubs? Misfits, "Die, Die My Darling": Oh, then there are the death panels, a conservative fabrication, wherein a panel of doctors would decide whether or not your health care should be terminated in the interest of expedience. If you ask us, more Republicans should start writing metal songs. Death panels, baby killers, Alaskan huntresses, all are ripe lyrical fodder.

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