What Rhymes With Anahuac? We Ask The Rapping Weatherman

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We wrote about Beaumont's rapping weatherman Nick Kosir last week, and as we mentioned then, we weren't the first to do so. ESPN2's Sports Nation, The Huffington Post and the ever-illustrious Ryan Seacrest have all recognized Kosir for his skills behind the mic.

Reader comments have ranged from: "Omg, he's awesome!" to "Somebody should cap that fool." Seeing as we tend to echo the former group, we decided to pick Kosir's brain on the inspiration behind his meteorologic hip-hop genius.

RO: The weather and rapping aren't two things we'd normally associate with each other. What on earth made you think one day: "Man, I've got to birth this lovechild"?

NK: I started doing it about this time last year. It was about July. I don't know if you remember, but we had a six-week stretch of weather where it was just sunny and hot every day, and it didn't change. So I was like, I have to do something to spice up this weather forecast because, not only are the viewers getting tired of me repeating the same dang thing, but I'm tired of repeating the same thing.

I did a little DJing in college, and I used to make parody songs to rap and pop. And I thought: "You know what? I think I'm going to rap the weather forecast." I don't know, it just hit me one day. But it was kind of bred out of boredom with the same old weather pattern.

RO: You told the Houston Chronicle that you only rap on calm, sunny days. What about non-stop rapping in a full-on emergency? We were thinking something like: "Shit's falling from the sky. You all gonna die." We think the sing-song nature of the delivery might have a calming effect on people.

NK: Now I'm going to have to add you to my posse because that rhyme was pretty sweet. No, I wouldn't do it on a bad weather day because weather's serious, especially when you live near the Gulf of Mexico.

RO: Do you have a favorite cloud?

NK: It would have to be the cumulonimbus because those are the clouds that make weird shapes. You can see stuff in them, you know?

RO: If other local weathermen -- like our own Frank Billingsly -- also took to rhyming, would you consider participating in a weatherman rap battle? We've always wanted to see that one scene from Anchorman play out before our eyes.

NK: I mean, yeah, if they wanted to. But I don't know if I'd want to battle. I'd prefer more of a duet because the weather industry is not so... How should I put this? We're not in rival weather gangs or anything, you know?

RO: Aside from Mother Nature, who do cite as your rhyming inspirations?

NK: I am a big rap and country fan. My rap inspirations would be Lil' Wayne and old school Snoop Dogg -- none of his new stuff.

RO: Ok, serious question. We've been thinking about this for quite some time now. Who would win in a battle: winged unicorns pulling a tornado or narwhales riding on a tidal wave?

NK: You know, I've always been partial to unicorns. They're just oddly beautiful. And I'm deathly afraid of tornadoes.

RO: In meteorology school, did you take a required course on rhyming weather reports?

NK: No, I did not do that. But I did take Thermodynamics, and that was much harder than rhyming weather forecasts.

RO: You said that you'd call your hypothetical posse the Insane Cumulonimbus Gang. Who would you ideally choose to be in this hypothetical posse?

NK: First and foremost, I would definitely have to have my two cameramen John Jones and Kevin Soux. And Carrot Top just to throw everybody off.

RO: What is the most difficult weather terminology you've had to rhyme?

NK: It's not terminology, but they hardest rhyme I've ever had was rhyming the city of Anahuac. I said something like: "There's a chance for rain all over that map from Lake Charles on to Anahuac."

RO: If there's anything we've wanted out of life, it was to have Ryan Seacrest tweet about us. Has your wife complained about the fame going to your head?

NK: Um, no. In fact she just got done making me take out of the trash and yelling at me for it, so nothing's changed at all.

RO: We read that you're from Akron. What are your thoughts on LeBron? Do you think he'll remain a Cavalier this season?

NK: Well, here's my claim to fame. I actually played basketball against him once. He was a sophomore and I was a senior, and there was a scrimmage. He caught the ball, and I basically had to guard him for one play. You know, as soon as he caught the ball, I started praying immediately.

And he looked at me, and then I swear for a second or two, a ray of light from above came through the gym and shown on him, and I thought I saw a unicorn too. I thought to myself: "Dear God, don't let him drive on me." Luckily, he just shot a 3-pointer, swished it in my face and left me alone.

So there's my LeBron story. But I think he'll stay in Cleveland, and if he doesn't, I think I'll cry for 40 days and 40 nights.

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