What Rocks Off Found When We Hacked Tiger Woods' iPod

Since Rocks Off kindly suggested several musicians who would perhaps have made better trysting partners for Tiger Woods than waitresses, porn stars and what have you, the number of the maritally embattled golf superstar's alleged paramours has risen from nine to 11. Whoops, it's gone up from 11 to 13 since we started writing this a couple of hours ago. Still, as a (somewhat) reformed "playa" ourselves, Rocks Off kinda feels for the guy.

Woods has largely been in seclusion since his dirty laundry became the media beast's main course - swear to God, every other segment on Entertainment Tonight Tuesday was Tiger-related - so Rocks Off figures he's probably been holed up listening to a lot of music.

Turns out we were right. Luckily, Rocks Off has a source deep in Woods' camp, so when the golfer's text-message alert beeped several times and he mysteriously disappeared for a couple of hours earlier Wednesday, our operative was able to steal a peek at his iPod. Who knew he was such a big fan of country music?

Usher, "Confessions Pt 2": This wasn't actually on Woods' iPod, our mole says - it's the ringtone that plays whenever Tiger's R&B superstar buddy calls him up for a night on the town. We just hope Woods was more careful than Usher, though, because he's (allegedly) got so many chicks on the side pretty soon there could be more Lil' Tigers running around than actually exist in the wild.

David Allan Coe, "Now I Lay Me Down to Cheat": The long-haired redneck may be on the straight and narrow now, but he's no doubt seen more than his share of hot-pillow joints. At least he had the good sense to ask the Good Lord to watch over him while he fornicated, because his old lady would probably have come after him with something a lot worse than a golf club.

Johnny Adams, "Hell Yes, I Cheated": Compared to Woods' press-conference, um, statement, the late New Orleans R&B crooner was much more forthright on this Jerry Cheshier song - also recorded by ex-Cricket and Mary Tyler Moore theme-song author Sonny Curtis - which originally appeared on 1969's A Tan Nightingale and more recently led off German label Phantom Sound & Vision's excellent 2008 anthology More Dirty Laundry: The Soul of Black Country. At least Woods has much better taste in music than he seems to in mistresses.

Eagles, "Lyin' Eyes": Rocks Off was a little surprised to find out Woods is a fan of the '70s L.A. soft-rockers, but not nearly as surprised as we've always been that son of Detroit Rock City and former Bob Seger System backup singer Glenn Frey's songs - "Desperado," "Tequila Sunrise," Jackson Browne co-write "Take It Easy," this melancholy trip to "the cheatin' side of town" - are much more country than his Texas-born bandmate Don Henley's.

TLC, "Creep": How many of Tiger's now-infamous text messages start out "Yes... it's me again," just like TLC's smash 1994 pajama jam? Only he and his harem know for sure.

Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn, "After the Fire Is Gone": "Love is where you find it, when you find no love at home," Conway and Loretta sing on their No. 1 1971 duet. For Woods, based on the deluge of media "coverage" (read: foaming at the mouth) Rocks Off has perused this afternoon, this may or may not include a) his office; b) nightclubs; c) hotel rooms; d) Las Vegas; e) bachelor parties; f) golf-course clubhouses; g) Ambien-dispensing pharmacies; and h) God knows where else. That's a lot of ashes to sweep out, man.

Moe Bandy/The Proclaimers, "It Was Always So Easy to Find an Unhappy Woman (Until I Started Looking for Mine)": This, at least, does not appear to have been a problem for Woods. His wife sure found him easy enough.

Carrie Underwood, "Before He Cheats": This song was tagged "unlistened to."

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Chris Gray has been Music Editor for the Houston Press since 2008. He is the proud father of a Beatles-loving toddler named Oliver.
Contact: Chris Gray