When Publicists Attack: The "Dirty Tourney"

Admittedly, here at the


we receive all kinds of stupid shit, especially from publicists. But seldom have we gotten a press release with less social merit and higher scuzz factor than this one from WMG (Warner Music Group), entitled "Screw The NCAA's...Welcome To the DIRTY TOURNEY!" I know record companies are in the toilet, so I guess it's a natural progression that their publicity departments go there too. Some of the copy from this release seems to beg the question: if your degree is in Public Relations, is your minor in Terminal Stupidity? Well, judge for yourselves from the quoted material below:

"Just in time for bracket season, BURN HALO, FRAMING HANLEY, SALIVA & THEORY OF A DEADMAN present a provocative twist to March Madness. People, welcome to the DIRTY TOURNEY! ATTENTION FEMALES! ATTENTION BOYFRIENDS! Do you or your girlfriend have what it takes to be crowned the Queen of Unclean? Want to win a trip for two to Vegas? Prove it. Enter Now!"

If I'd been writing this and we'd decided this is the promotional angle we were really taking, I might've jazzed that up a bit. Like "please present a doctor's letter that you have had at minimum one form of STD. Extra points if you are a repeat offender. Triple points if you have a police report with 'scumbag' or 'sleazebucket' written on it."

The Warner flacks continue:

"The deadline to submit entries is April 2nd . Submit pics and your profile, tell us why you or your girlfriend is the dirtiest, craziest, sexiest girl around and the band you want to represent. If you've got what it takes, and you show off what ya got, you could be crowned Queen of the Dirty Tourney."

Show off what ya got? Let me see if my sister is busy that night.

More poop (and I'm not using the word loosely) on this "contest."

"THE WINNER RECEIVES A TRIP FOR TWO TO LAS VEGAS!! Saliva is going to "Hunt You Down" and fly you to Vegas! Winner gets a trip for two to Las Vegas, land of Burn Halo's "Dirty Little Girls," Theory Of A Deadman's "Bad Girlfriends," and Framing Hanley's "Lollipop" lickers.

"Trip includes two roundtrip flights, hotel accommodations for two, and two tickets to see Saliva & Burn Halo at the SnoCore Tour in Las Vegas on 5/3/09.

"This is going to be a March Madness style bracket, with each band representing one of the four "regions". Girls will submit pictures to be considered for one of the 64 spots on the bracket. Once the 64 spots are selected by the bands, fans will vote online, while listening to tracks and watching clips from all four bands.

"Every few days the winners are shown, and fans continue to vote, as we go from 64 girls, to 32, to 16, to 8 to 4, to 2. When we get to the final 2, the bands will vote to pick the winner."

Jeezus, where were these PR weasels when we were setting up the Texas Lottery?

I think I'm going to go take a shower. With bleach and antibiotics.

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