The passion of Randy Travis has been one of the saddest and most compelling musical dramas of the past year. One of Nashville's most beloved and seemingly mild-mannered singers (now a North Texan) has suddenly gone full-on Johnny Paycheck, brawling in church parking lots, popping out to buy smokes while missing his pants, and taking an asphalt nap on a deserted Texas highway. Even when he's nowhere in sight, his truck turns up flipped over in a deserted field.
There's just something so damn country about the whole thing - except, of course, Keith Urban or Dierks Bentley would sooner record a One Direction song than this series of scenarios that were once tailor-made for Music Row. So thank God for Twitter.
Shortly after Travis was arrested for driving while intoxicated and threatening the peace officers who took him into custody, one of the hallmarks of our social-media-age began appearing: The fake Twitter account. Anyone can rack up a few hundred followers, even the chair Clint Eastwood was talking to at the Republican National Convention. Especially after real Travis made the news again after that parking-lot dust-up a couple of weeks after the naked arrest, fake Travis seemed to be running neck and neck with Prince Harry's exploits before the black sheep of Buckingham Palace got shipped off to Afghanistan.
This is what it takes to be a celebrity these days. It's been a few news cycles since Travis has done anything headline-worthy, and his fans can only pray that he's finally gotten whatever it was out of his system. Travis was warmly received at a couple of casino concerts he's done since all this happened, and is actually scheduled to sing at Delta Downs just across the Louisiana line in November.
But a few of the better fake-Twitters remain, and because this is about the funniest thing we've seen all year, we thought we'd run down the ones that are left in the hopes they'll keep it going a little while longer. It is time to start picking out Halloween costumes, after all, and we bet there's quite a few Drunk Randys spotted on Austin's Sixth Street this year.
5. Naked Randy Travis @NakedAndRandy/"Texas"
Statistics (Tweets/Following/Followers): 28/6/10 Frequency of Tweets: Last was 34 days ago Pro: Fashion Plate. Con: Made a "Three Wooden Crosses" crack; a little fixated on clothes
4. Drunk Randy Travis @DrunkRandy/"A #Texas County Jail"
Stats: 159/19/78 Frequency: Once every few days Pros: Appears to have found the Lord Cons: Appears to have found the Lord
3. Drunk Randy Travis @tipsyRandy/"God Damn Texas"
Stats: 44/13/14 Frequency: Last tweet three days ago Pros: Knows recipe for a Texas Car Bomb (Shiner Bock, tequila, Bailey's); Not a Rascal Flatts fan Cons: Has difficulty spelling
2. Not Randy Travis @RandyTravis_/"Church Parking Lots"
Stats: 317/1,260/1,525 Frequency: Once or twice a day, but has slowed recently Pros: Curses; retweets actual people; fond of #LetsParty hashtag Cons: Kind of a perv
1. Randy Travis Parody @ImRandyTravis/none
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Stats: 1,419/323/270 Frequency: Several times a day, sometimes several times an hour Pros: Often (hilariously) completes trending prompts Cons: Retweets @RacistHankJr
Statistics current as of Tuesday night.