The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony is coming up quick on April 14, and the presenters for the event have been announced, except for one artist.
Just who will speak about and induct Guns N' Roses? Who is even qualified?
Rapper Chuck D will induct the Beastie Boys, while funnyman Chris Rock will induct the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Freddie King will be inducted by Rocks Off homies Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill from ZZ Top, and music mogul Don Kirshner will be inducted by Carole King.
Everything makes sense, right? Rock and the Chili Peppers sorta works, I guess. Both were '90s icons, and both had deep ties with MTV.
But who should induct Guns? The prospect of the original lineup reuniting to play a few songs has already been bandied about, and all of the key players have either been mum or coy when it comes to what will happen next month.
Matching the group to another pop or musical icon should be tricky, since Axl Rose has slashed, burned, carpet-bombed and then pissed on most bridges. Will they choose an actor to induct them? Maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger? Both Arnie and GNR were pretty vital to the state of California and its decadent spirit in the '80s, plus GNR did have a song on Terminator 2: Judgement Day, after all.
When the story of GNR gets told on the dais in a few weeks, who is the best to tell it? Maybe another scene survivor, like Robert Downey Jr.? Or maybe another unrepentant showman? Sorry folks, Diamond Dave and Van Halen are playing a sold-out show in Tampa that night.
I would say Gene Simmons, but if his own Kiss can't get inducted, then why would he help induct someone else?
Lemmy Kilmister and Iggy Pop would be fun, for sure, as would Marilyn Manson, another man who just like Axl helped define a part of his own decade. Manson and Twiggy Ramirez were surely just as scary if not moreso to parents as the tag team of Axl and Slash.
No matter who inducts the group, they will surely be looked to address the issue of the band's splintering in the mid-'90s, and Axl carrying on with a new lineup in 2012. It would take a uniting soul, someone who can soothe troubled hearts, and bring smiles to everyone involved.
I'm talking about someone who was just as integral to the '90s as the band's Use Your Illusion project. A man whose own decadence almost totally undid his own legacy.
Of course, I am talking about former President Bill Clinton. Forget Barack Obama, Clinton was the first rock-star world leader. Who can deny that smile, that swagger, that glint in his eye, that sly smirk that just screams "Paradise City."
Look into your hearts, you know it to be true.
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