Remember when you were a kid and you would mix all the fountain sodas together into one monstrosity of a drink called a "Suicide" (or whatever it was called where you're from). As an adult you probably realize that the end result was something less-than-greater than the sum of its parts, no matter how good Mountain Dew and Big Red taste on their own.
Now, we're not trying to compare Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's eponymous new single to harakiri, but... have you heard it? The 50-second clip posted to TMZ earlier this week basically sounds like the Aqua Netted orange reality star and collaborators Fatman Scoop, DJ Class, The Disco Fries tried to cram every studio effect at their disposal into three minutes of an already tiresome dance track. The end result is very much akin to... dare we say it... a musical Suicide.
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By what we can tell from the brief snippet, he doesn't even mention his abs, although he'll no doubt perform the full version of the song Saturday night, when he DJs at Rich's. iTunes even tells us there and explicit version AND an instrumental version. Can. Not. Wait.