Editor's Note: This column is the one-year anniversary of Ask Willie D. Congratulations and a big thank-you to Houston's funniest, realest advice columnist!
As any loyal Ask Willie D reader knows, I respond to a great deal of relationship-based letters. However, the fact that the column started its run one year ago on February 14 has more to do with happenstance than a calculated action to coincide with the day most associated with romantic love.
But since I am the Gangsta of Love, and I was born in November (because my parents celebrated Valentine's Day), I would like to think fate also played a role in this commemorative occasion. So in honor of lovers everywhere, I thought it would be fitting to share some of my personal secrets to keeping the flame burning strong in a relationship.
Get started today, but don't wait until this time next year before you do something special again for your significant other. The language of love should be spoken loud, and often. Here we go...
10. Give Her a Massage Did you know that 95 percent of women would rather have a man give them a massage than money to go shopping? Okay, I made that up, but seriously, few things beat a good massage to please a woman, and generate an emotional connection to her partner. When a man massages his woman, it tells her that he is taking the time to cater to her and it makes her feel cared for, thus facilitating the emotional connection.
A massage stretches and loosens tight muscles, and can be given for the sole purpose of relaxing her, and making her feel good, or it can serve as a stimulant for sex. If sex is the desired outcome try this:
Create a peaceful atmosphere with no distractions (kids, phones, TV, etc.) and turn on some soft music. Have your woman lie on her stomach in bed, or on a sofa, and pour oil on her body. Start with her shoulders, then massage her neck, then go back to her shoulders, and down to her arms, and hands. Use firm, deep, and even pressure - not hard. Work your way to her back, then her lower back, and finally her butt. Pour lots of oil on her butt, and rub it in good.
Massage her legs, her feet, and work her inner thighs slowly making your way up to her pelvic area. She will start to thrust her hips, and moan, but do not give in to her desires just yet; stay focused. Continue to massage her thighs, then her butt. Pour more oil on her butt, and thighs, but this time as you're massaging her inner thighs brush against her vagina. After repeating this action for several minutes, gently insert two fingers into her. I'm sure you can handle it from there.
9. Go On a Spontaneous Getaway Treat yourself, and your love interest to a quick trip out of town for a couple of days. It doesn't have to be anywhere far. Avoid the stress of flying, and drive 2-4 hours outside the city limits to a small town with a unique offering like an art gallery, an historical restaurant, a military museum, a famed theater or a historic site. The long drive will give you and your partner special quality time to talk and become more familiar with one another.
Don't ruin the mood by bringing up serious matters like finances, and work; relax. Make frequent stops along the way to enjoy the countryside, and stop to look around in an old corner store for little nuggets of appreciation -- that's usually where I rediscover hard-to-find candy from my childhood. Enjoy the passage of time you have together, and don't rush. Oftentimes, the journey is more exciting than the destination.
8. Reveal a Fantasy Take turns revealing a secret fantasy, and describe what you want in detail. But before you go down that road you, and your significant other must agree to do one thing: don't judge. It's a fantasy. It doesn't mean they actually want to do it.
So if he says, "I want to have sex with a midget on a vibrating washing machine while holding a gun to her head" don't trip. And if she says, "I want to do you in front of your friends. Then I want each of them to take turns pounding me from the back while I'm blindfolded as I try to guess which one it is" just go with it.
Whether your significant other is sexually conservative, or liberal, reading a few paragraphs from a book of erotica could also be a good way to get the juices flowing, literally. The main thing to remember is that everyone has secret fantasies and women more than men tend to keep theirs bottled up. Most men have no idea how badly their woman is aching to release her sexual fantasies. Regardless of how innocent you think your woman is she has it in her, and it's up to you to bring it out.
More Willie D on the next page.
7. Make A Playlist of Her Favorite Songs I once created a playlist of favorites filled with meaningful songs for a special friend of mine. One day she stopped by my house and I hopped into her car -- CD in hand -- to head out for lunch at a nice restaurant. As she asked about the nature of the disc and inquisitively studied me, I inserted the CD in the changer. The look on her face when she heard the first song, her favorite song from her college days, flowing through the speakers was priceless.
When you create your special playlist, don't just stick with one artist -- mix it up with other artists you know she'll enjoy. For extra measure, throw in a wild card; preferably a song that she's unfamiliar with, but one that you really like. She'll learn to love a new song, and every time she hears it she'll be reminded of you.
6. Leave Notes and Reminders Writing notes to your partner to show him or her that you're thinking of them goes a long way. You can keep it simple and write, "I love you" on a sticky and leave it on the bathroom mirror or on their car. Alternatively you can be creative and have your waiter at a restaurant write it in chocolate on top of his or her dessert.
Utilize the power of technology and send your significant other a thoughtful text message, or email reminding them how special they are to you. Even if you don't have anything planned, something like, "Hey beautiful" or "I can't wait to see you" will put a smile on his or her face, and make he or she anxious to be with you.
5. Send Her Flowers Yes it's cliché but it works. Women love flowers because they're pretty, they smell nice and they're relaxing. Surprising your woman with flowers at home is a good way to remind her of how much you care about her, and pick up a few points. But having flowers delivered to her job will break the score clock. A woman loves it when she's the recipient of public displays of affection and other people witness it. Also every time she looks at the beautiful flowers sitting on her desk she'll think of you.
If money is tight, don't stress. You can stop by your neighborhood grocery store and pay a few bucks for a dozen of flowers or even less for a single one -- remember it's the thought that counts. Keep in mind that flowers aren't for all women, but if your lady is a fan it's important that you know her type. While a dozen of roses might do the job for your friend's woman, they could be a complete turn-off for yours. So find out what type of flower she likes before giving her any.
4. Power Down Turn off the juice in your house: no TV, no cell phones, no music, no computers, and no lights. Imagine how connected you and your significant other will feel relaxing on the sofa, or cuddled on the floor with a blanket, and lots of pillows surrounded by scented candles in various forms, and heights. Have a fruit tray in reach and if she drinks, serve her favorite wine.
Playing games can be enjoyable, but avoid games like Scrabble where you compete against each other. It could cause tension, especially if your partner is highly competitive. Instead, do something fun and rewarding like solving a 1,000-piece puzzle together. The natural electricity generated from your closeness is a sure bet to make sparks fly.
More Willie D on the next page.
3. Assume the Position Before he walks into the house, or the bedroom, be naked and already in the position you want him to take you in. This also works if your man is already at home. Wait until he's busy doing something work-related and call him into another room, or if you're in the same room watching television or something, wait until he steps out of the room to undress.
Imagine the look on his face when he returns to see you deliciously spread out in your birthday suit waiting to receive your special gift from him.
2. Find Your Inner Comedian Talk to any woman, and she'll tell you how much she appreciates a man who can make her laugh. That doesn't mean she wants a goofball who tells jokes all the time. It means she wants someone who is cheerful, witty and optimistic. Your woman needs to know you're kind and considerate, but serious when you need to be. So if you're looking for romance, being the funny guy alone is not going to cut it.
Likewise, men enjoy a woman with a sense of humor. But men especially don't want a comedienne. They want a woman who is caring, affectionate and supportive. Life is tough and stressful at times. There's nothing like laugher to ease tension and make your partner feel relaxed.
So watch a comedy movie, or search the Internet for a jokes site, and email a few of them weekly to your significant other. Laughter is contagious. It makes people happy, and happiness is the key to a healthy relationship. If you can get her to show you her teeth, she might show you something else.
1. Words of Affirmation and Compliments This falls under the category of communication, the most important part of any relationship. Tell your significant other you love him or her often; especially when your friends are around. Tell your girl or guy how much they mean to you, and pay them compliments frequently. Most guys don't notice things like a subtle change in their woman's hairdos or a new outfit, but I do and believe me brother, women appreciate that more than you can imagine.
Habitually, when we're dating or married to someone, we assume that they know we love them by the mere fact that we're in a relationship with them. With all of the distractions that go on in our day-to-day life (work, kids, school, friends, social media, etc.) it's easy to emotionally neglect our better half.
I once dated a girl whom I'll call Miss Miami (wink, wink). She was so attractive that one day as we were walking through a shopping mall in Houston another very attractive woman walked past us, turned around, and said, "Excuse me, but I just had to say you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."
One night I went by her house to pick her up for a date, and she got into my car looking her usual gorgeous self, but she was sad. So I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Will, how come you never tell me I look nice?"
I had complimented her before, but obviously not enough. In my "man mind," my thinking was that she's been hearing how nice she looks her whole life; it's not a big deal. The truth is, it is a big deal. The sexiest woman on earth can be told how great she look by every person on the planet, but if she doesn't hear it from the man she loves, it means nothing.
That experience among others taught me that the most romantic gestures are filled with love, and thought not necessarily expensive gifts. So, rather than a commercial holiday, think of the occasion as a reminder to be considerate, and to acknowledge your significant other on Valentine's Day and beyond.
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK WILLIE D
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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