You gotta love a sumbitch like Willie Nelson who, unlike Bill "I-Never-Inhaled" Clinton, has always 'fessed up to using copious quantities of herb. Two days ago, in response to his pot bust last Friday at a Border Patrol checkpoint near Sierra Blanca (that's a Spanish geographical term for the middle of fucking nowhere), the Red Headed Stranger formed Willie Nelson's Teapot Party; as of this morning, 20,000 people have joined.
This leads Lonesome Onry and Mean to wonder if any of our politicians are paying attention to the will of the people. We'll bet Gov. Rick Perry's anus puckered up tighter than an unfracked shale formation when some aide walked up and whispered in his ear, "Willie Nelson's been busted for pot." Terrorists inside the Alamo couldn't have been a worse scenario for the Governor.
Will Willie's bust be the straw that finally breaks the camel's back regarding legalization? Wouldn't it be great if high-profile politicians like former president George W. Bush, Perry and Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison got together, called a press conference and said, "OK, enough is enough"?
Or, even better, looked into the camera and screamed "Free Willie Nelson! And while you're at it, bring us the head of that nincompoop agent who boarded Willie's bus."
Of course, as much as W., Ken Doll and Kay Bailey probably want to deep in their secret party-animal inner recesses, their "family values" constituencies won't allow it; forget that these pols would gain new constituencies nearer to the middle ground of nonpartisan politics to which they are always paying lip service but doing nothing about.
Unfortunately, if these knee-jerk pols actually came out for Willie, their traditional constituencies that support W and Ken Doll are going to bring up all the old arguments against legalization. These are the people who think if pot is legalized - like alcohol and cigarettes already are - their children are going to start dancing and go straight to Hell.
And they'll bring up the tired old "gateway drug" argument, that pot leads to harder drugs. Well, in Marshall Chapman's new book They Came To Nashville, the final chapter is a detailed report of a four-day jaunt on Willie's tour bus. Apparently for Willie - who, let's remember, was not driving the bus or operating heavy equipment - marijuana is the gateway drug to... drum roll... white wine and Django Reinhardt jazz.
Politicians with balls would realize this bust is an opportunity to alter public policy in a constructive way to benefit all Texans. Want to reduce drug-related violence up and down the Texas border and across the Rio Grande in Juarez? One of the key strategic moves would be to legalize pot.
If Rick Perry weren't the corporate lackey we all know he is, he'd seize the bull by the horns, co-opt the Teapot Party's platform - tax it, regulate it and legalize it - and convince voters of the common sense and financial responsibility involved for all Texans, smokers and non-smokers alike, in legalization. Yet we all know Perry's balls aren't big enough to attempt this.
We'd sure love to hear Perry explain why it would be bad public policy to take the money away from the narco-cartels and their murdering kind and replenish the state coffers with revenues from the controlled sale of pot a la cigarettes, beer and gasoline. More money for schools and roads, cutting the cash supply to Mexican drug cartels - come on, Governor, explain how this is bad public policy.
Let's take this one step further, since we're all pro-entrepreneurial spirit here in the Lone Star State. Put the state in charge of the growth, sale and distribution of marijuana, just like the state controls liquor stores in Utah or the government-controlled ganja shops in India.
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Then - and here's the kicker - earmark some of the revenue for research so we can develop an ass-kickin' strain of Texas Tea that could then be exported by the bale to places like Thailand, Nepal, Holland, Bogota, and Humboldt, Calif. The revenue possibilities are endless, and the marketing slogan can be "Tea From Texas: If It's Good Enough For Willie, It's Good Enough For You."
Texas has always been an outlaw state - settled, peopled and governed by outlaws. So it's time for Governor Ken Doll and ex-President "I Don't Do Nuance" to stand up and be counted as the outlaws all true Texans are, deep down in their bone marrow, and put a stop to this persecution of Willie Nelson, a true Texas - and national - treasure.
Use some of that horse sense Texans are known for; step up and be as honorable as Willie Nelson is. This situation is making us a laughingstock.
Hell, Willie's already smoked pot on the roof of the White House. So now we're going to lock him up for having some on his tour bus?