Your Third Nipple Makes Me “Smile”

I used to think third nipples were an unsightly and grotesque part of the human anatomy. The thought of having three of something on your body where evolution only deemed us to have two, is a tad freakish. The only notable exception I can find is that chick from Total Recall. But I digress....

Lily Allen is every hipster boy’s dream. She’s got the whole big frilly dress and side-swept bangs thing, plus her music isn’t as grating and punishing as, say, Fergie’s. Plus I’m pretty sure she was born female. And if Lily saw fit to pummel me to the ground, I would welcome it wholeheartedly.

She’s a lush, but she doesn’t drink turpentine in a dark alley like Amy Winehouse does. A few days ago on a BBC chat-show, Lily was asked a series of canned corn questions. One of them was if she had a third nipple. Guess what? She demurely showed the crowd. It was so damn adorable. Like a basket of newborn kittens being held by the Easter Bunny, while he’s riding in Santa’s sleigh.

Hot triple-nipple action after the jump. – Craig Hlavaty

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
The Houston Press is a nationally award-winning, 33-year-old publication ruled by endless curiosity, a certain amount of irreverence, the desire to get to the truth and to point out the absurd as well as the glorious.
Contact: Houston Press