10 Very Odd Nativity Scenes, Starring Dogs, Rubber Duckies and...Santa?

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Nativity scenes are a staple at many homes in the Christmas season. Whether they're realistic or stylistic, these portrayals of the manger are supposed to remind us of the true meaning of the holiday, in case we haven't watched Charlie Brown recently.

Most nativity scenes are straightforward models, maybe with real straw and ceramic figures. But some are....out there. Like these ten:

10. Christ, Our Rubber Duckie Is Born Every day when I Make my way to the tubby I find a little fella who's Cute and yellow and chubby He's a Galilean Jewish Rabbi And as a savior, He's not too shabbi

9. World's Most Bored Donkey Are we there yet? Meanwhile the dude next to him has taken some excellent X.

8. A pregnant Mary "Joseph, I gotta pee." "But Mary, ye pee-eth a mere 20 cubits and 10 spans ago." "DO YOU HAVE SOME GODDAMN BABY SITTING ON YOUR BLADDER, JOSEPH!?!?"

7. Dogs Playing Jesus We guess it's better than poker or pool.

6. Who's The Guy In The Red Suit? The Web site selling this says, "The Kneeling Santa figure is a subtle reminder to children that Santa is not the main focus of Christmas." So putting him in there is a subtle reminder to kids not to think about him? Religion is hard. We're pretty sure, though, that the manufacturer would trade out a donkey for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer if they thought it would make a buck.

5. Jazz-Hands Jesus "Gotta sing!! Gotta dance!!" Unless we miss our guess, this group is about to launch into a rollicking rendition of "Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat." Or, to be less sacrilegious, maybe something from Jesus Christ Superstar.

4. Children's Protective Services Will Be Here Soon It's obviously freezing out, but let's just leave this newborn wearing the least amount of swaddling clothes possible alone, crying frozen tears of desperation. If Christmas was in summer, these guys would be standing around yakking while Baby Jesus was left in a locked, airless car.

3. Merry Christmas, Mon This isn't a manger, it's a festive cabana on some Jamaican beach. Jesus' first miracle was actually changing water into 50 SPF baby sunscreen.

2. Where's The Party At? Dude on the right is looking to get a strong drink on -- he ain't buying no plastic cup for this kegger. Guy in the middle brought his own bong, and the guy on the left, with the menacing long-reach machete? He's there to provide security. Sure, there'll be peace on earth at this manger party, but you don't want no shit, you don't start no shit.

1. He, Ummm, Doesn't Look Like Me, Mary The expression on Joseph's face seems to indicate he's having second thoughts about the whole virgin-birth story, especially as it relates to that Roman soldier who was always hanging around and has a nose and ears just like this kid here.

Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.