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Keep Houston Press Free
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10 Ways To Tell Your Teachers & Staff Are Getting High

HISD teachers and staff getting arrested for pot and other drugs have become so common lately that we don't even feel like providing all the links to stories we've done on it. You'll have to scroll down on your own.

The onslaught of dope arrests is a PR nightmare for the district, which is dispatching its drug-sniffing dog to campuses as fast as it can.

But there are other ways to tell that the teachers or administrators at a school are partaking in the devil's weed.

In the interest of public service, here are 10 things to watch out for:

1. The teacher's lounge has been moved to "out in the parking lot, dude."

2. Nurse's office reports chronic (Ha!) shortage of Visine.

3. 7th-grade AP History focuses to a surprising degree on George Washington's use of hemp.

4. Teachers desperately encourage kids to focus science projects on "How Best To Fool Drug-Sniffing Dogs."

5. Extra credit in creative-writing classes is given for character letters to be used in teacher's sentencing.

6. No one parks anywhere near that one teacher with a Ron Paul bumper sticker.

7. The cars of teachers suddenly seem very, very clean. As if they've been detailed inside, or something.

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8. Smart-ass kids are blowing smoke into their most pain-in-the-ass teacher's car. Luckily for the teacher, the follow-up of calling the tip-line proves to be too complicated.

9. HISD administrators are wracking their brains trying to come up with a catchy motto for the soon-to-be-introduced anti-drug offensive. "Get High On TAKS Scores, Not Maryjane!" is the current leader.

10. Teachers have gone on a "health kick" and parked their cars a few blocks from school. "The extra walking does wonders!" they say, red-eyed.

-- Richard Connelly

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