Love is in the air. Kids everywhere -- or, more likely, their moms -- are buying boxes of cheap Valentine's Day cards to hand out in the classroom.
It's a tradition that's been going on for years, and obviously it's not just for kids. But in days of yore, card designers could seem a little....creepy.
Like in these 11 examples.
11. The drugs make him hunt Those eyes and armed? The chicks'll be swarming at ya, kid.
10. As we die a slow, burning death This is like the last scene of Titanic, if it took place in a fiery hell instead of the North Atlantic.
9. She puts the lotion in the pumpkin It's not the double-entendres of eating and going deeper and deeper, it's the Silence of the Lambs way the dude's looking at his captured, helpless prey.
8. What could possibly be creepy about this? Offensive? Sure. But even if you take away the words, it still looks like you're getting a valentine from an 84-year-old grandma.
7. Talk to the (Trojan Magnum-sized) hand You know what they say, baby: "Big feet, big hands, big..." Just pay no attention to my other hand.
6. Subtle. Very subtle The dude smiling eagerly as he thrusts something hard and long into the moist goodness of a woman clearly enjoying herself? We don't get what you're going after here.
5. Take me...and my sister We guess there's nothing inherently creepy about a threesome, but for Valentine's Day? And why do these women look like they're sitting in the window of some Amsterdam bordello?
4. Let's play with fire, kids! Remember, kids, nothing says "love" like lighting a match, so go play with matches!!
3. You missed a spot, bitch Glassy-eyed automatons scrubbing your car in the aching hope that some dude will take notice of you? He's hanging out with the cheerleaders, baby.
2. And a happy passive-aggressive Valentine's Day to you, too No one loves me, but there's a hobo named Fuzzy Worms in the garden who likes me!!
1. Something's off here Ah yes: The old A-A-B-C-D-E-F rhyme scheme. Works like a charm every time!
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.