Well, I guess that since Jason has givenhis thoughts
on the upcoming NFL season, I should as well. My NFL picks won’t be as original as his, though. So no U2. No Britney. Just some boring predictions.
(But I’ll leave a note with my editor and ask him to throw up some pictures of some NFL cheerleaders. He’ll probably link to the Texans cheerleaders, but I’ve really got to recommend that he throw up some from the Eagles and Chargers.)
Now, on with the fun.
The NFC East:
1. Dallas: I really hate typing Dallas in this spot. I hate the Cowboys even more than I hate things associated with UT and A&M, but I really just don’t think there any other options in this division. Though it is kind of sickening to think that Bum’s kid is coaching the hated Cowboys. If Bum were dead, I bet he’d be rolling over in his grave.
2. Philadelphia: I really think that Andy Reid’s kids are going to prove to be an even bigger distraction than T.O. was in his last season.
3. New York Giants: Speaking of distractions, do you guys know that Peyton’s younger brother is the QB on this team? And that the team hates the coach. And that New York is the media capital of the world. This could be fun.
4. Washington, D.C.: Does anyone else think that Joe Gibbs should’ve stuck with NASCAR?
The NFC North:
1. Chicago: Hey, what do you know… A team can win with a god awful quarterback. But don’t tell that to the Texans; they need every excuse they can find to explain their suckitude. This team even won with Kyle Orton, so you’ve really got to wonder about what kind of genius Gary Kubiak really is if he gave up on Carr.
2. Minnesota: I don’t think the Vikings are that good. I just don’t think the rest of this division is good.
3. Detroit: Jon Kitna thinks the Lions are going to win ten games. I think he’s been sacked a few too many times.
4. Green Bay: Is Brett Favre still playing?
The NFC South:
1. New Orleans: So, Texans, do you still think passing on Reggie Bush was such a great idea? And to think that the Dolphins wanted Dante Culpepper instead of Drew Brees.
2. Carolina: The Panthers drafted Julius Peppers after the Texans passed in order to take David Carr. The Panthers now have both.
3. Tampa Bay: People used to think of Jon Gruden as a genius. Then he tried to turn Chris Simms into a starting QB.
4. Atlanta: And starting at QB, Joey Harrington. Last place for sure.
The NFC West:
1. St. Louis: The greatest show on turf left town with Mike Martz. But the Rams have a solid running game, a good QB and a decent defense.
2. San Francisco: The Niners almost snuck into the playoffs last season. Alex Smith is a promising QB. Frank Gore is a fantasy football stud. This team could be fun to watch.
3. Seattle: Yeah, I know the team has Shaun Alexander at running back, but I think this team’s Super Bowl season was a fluke. I’m calling this a great city but a lousy team.
4. Arizona: Matt Leinart. Edgerrin James. Larry Fitzgerald. There are some fantastic offensive players on this team. It’s a shame that the offensive line sucks. And that the defense stinks.
The AFC East:
1. New England: This is the trendy pick. But there’s talk that Rodney Harrison isn’t the only Patriot doing HGH. And don’t forget Randy Moss.
2. Buffalo: Lee Evans is a very good receiver. It’s a shame that no one knows who he is, except for Texans fans who saw the guy torch the team several times last season.
3. New York Jets: If Chad Pennington stays healthy, this team could compete for the playoffs. But Chad Pennington’s got to stay healthy.
4. Miami: Then I got high. Then I got high. Then I got high. What? Ricky Williams isn’t on the team? Oh, never mind.
The AFC North:
1. Cincinnati: Even Michael Vick is afraid of the criminal element on this team. But Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson and Rudi Johnson appear to be good guys who avoid jail. This team can really score points, which it needs to do because of the crappy defense.
2. Baltimore: Why don’t people protest this team? Ray Lewis was involved with a murder. Steve McNair’s had some DUIs.
3. Pittsburgh: What do you mean Cowher quit? To work on TV? And the coaches went to another team? At least they have The Bus. What, he’s gone, too? Damn.
4. Cleveland: Isn’t Brady Quinn dreamy?
The AFC South:
1. Indianapolis: So, do you still think Peyton can’t win the big one?
2. Tennessee: Yeah, I’m sick of the Vince Young love. And I don’t think the team is really good. But I like Jeff Fisher. And Jeff Fisher will find a way to work with this talent.
3. Jacksonville: Fantastic running game. Very good offensive line. Very good defense. No quarterback. No receivers.
4. Houston: I’m not buying the hype. It was just two seasons ago that the Chron was comparing David Carr to John Elway. And I’ve yet to see any signs of genius coming from Gary Kubiak. Jason says this team finishes at 8-8 or 9-7. I say it’ll be lucky to match last season’s record.
The AFC West:
1. San Diego: Let me see, the Chargers fired the coach of last season’s 14-2 team because he couldn’t win in the playoffs, then replaced him with a guy who can’t coach a winning team in the regular season.
2. Denver: John Elway will make anyone look like a genius. Too bad he retired a long time ago.
3. Kansas City: Larry Johnson, good. The rest of the team, not so much.
4. Oakland: Hey, whatever happened to that whole commitment to excellence thing?
I’ll take Denver and Buffalo as my Wild Cards in the AFC, and San Francisco and Philadelphia in the NFC. And because no one will choose this, I will. So, New Orleans over Indy in the Super Bowl.
Just don’t go placing any wagers on that. – John Royal
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