Just kidding! We're also thankful for Dallas, which might share a high-speed rail with us one of these days, so we should probably play nice.
Here are the actual reasons we're thankful we live in Houston, presented without an ounce of snark, of course.
24. The Lady Bird Johnson wildlife beautification people plant bluebonnets and all that business along the roadsides so when we sit in traffic for hours on end, we have something nice to look at.
23. J.J. Watt, what with his pizza-schleppin' badassery and all.
22. Conversation at local parties can always be livened up -- so long as the battle over what to do with the Astrodome still rages.
21. We brought the world Anna Nicole Smith (#RIP).
20. We don't have alligators in the bayous ... because the polluted water killed them all. And oh, yeah, now the water is coming after us.
19. IN THIS ECONOMY...we are still nailing that job opportunity thing.
18. Virtually no winters = virtually no snow. But when it does (sort of) snow, we are so excited that the whole city shuts down.
17. The humid climate keeps us all looking much younger than our Texas counterparts.
16. The pollutants in Stinkadena smell horrible, giving us all fair warning when we're about to drive through what is probably a haze of carcinogens.
15. Given the above item
no. 10 on our list, it's nice to know that we have MD Anderson Cancer Center so close...
14. Food lovers across the nation are jealous of our restaurant scene.
13. There's a Whataburger (properly pronounced as "Whut-a-burger") every five miles.
12. This ain't a hipster haven a la Austin.
11. No zoning means an...uh...interesting array of buildings sit alongside one another wherever you go.
10. We get to claim rights to not only a ridiculous local rap scene, but artists like Beyonce, Slim Thug, Paul Wall and Willie D. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
9. On that note, you (as in the rest of the nation) can all thank us for Screwed Up Records & Tapes. You're welcome.
8. The local art scene is enviable, isn't full of those dreaded sellouts, and they put on an Art Car Parade in the middle of summer that's impressive enough to make people want to suffer in the Houston heat.
7. Houston has nicknames with actual street cred, like Screwston and H-Town.
6. Our city is the smart kind of fancy, with big brains leading research at places like NASA, the Medical Center, and the Baker Institute at Rice University.
5. The traffic. Without it, we'd never have the time we need to listen to all the podcasts we've synched to our phones. We've learned so much about history being stuck in traffic on the way to and from work that sometimes we feel like we're enrolled in a mobile community college class. So thanks, fellow Houston drivers, for keeping the lanes slow and our minds active.
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4. Bars like Alice's Tall Texan and West Alabama Ice House are a thing here.
3. Where else can you find the Rockets, the Dynamo, and the Texans? No where, that's where. There's even those good ol' Astros, who we'll secretly always love, even if they're never going to get any better. Ever.
2. It's still relatively cheap to live here.
1. The city is vastly diverse, rapidly evolving, and yet is full of our favorite kind of people: Houstonians.