25 Ways You Know The Astros' Season Has Become Really, Really Bad

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

You know the Houston Astros are a bad team when...

1.  ...the only thing the team is first at is having the first pitcher in the majors to lose 10 games. Congratulations, Wandy.

2.  ...Geoff Blum not only gets consistent playing time at third base, but also starts games at shortstop.

3.  ...they lose a series to the Kansas City Royals, a team that is supposedly worse than the Astros.

4.   ...you're left wondering if the Astros will score more runs in a series than the U.S. Soccer team will score during the entire World Cup.

5.  ...you hope that the Astros will be able to get more hits in a game than the number of goals the U.S. Soccer team will be able to score in one game.

6.  ...the best pinch-hitting hope off of the Astros bench is Jason Michaels.

7.  ...Jason Michaels leaves you longing for that pinch-hitting wonder known as Orlando Palmeiro.

8.  ...there are more Texas Rangers fans inside Minute Maid Park than there are Astros fans. Seriously, I saw more Rangers jerseys, shirts, and hats at Friday's game than I've ever seen at a Rangers game in Arlington.

9.  ...the best part of this weekend's games was watching the wife of just-released reliever Casey Daigle in the stands.

10.  ...you really wish the Astros would sign Mrs. Casey Daigle  to a contract.

11.  ...the only reason you stick around for the entire game is to see if Josh Hamilton will hit for the cycle.

12.  ...you're swept by the Texas Rangers, and the Rangers' best player is on the disabled list.

13.  ...leaving Wandy Rodriguez in to bat even though he's losing by six runs makes sense. He's hitting better than most of the position players, after all.

14.  ...the best part of the game is the pre-game video celebrating the team's 45-year history as the Astros, but ignoring not only the years before that as the Colt .45s, but also ignoring Ken Caminiti and Roger Clemens.

15.  ...the Pittsburgh Pirates are marking the days on the calendar until they face the Astros again.

16.  ...the Baltimore Orioles are petitioning MLB to let them play the Astros.

17.  ...the team's best option for the MLB All-Star Game is a seldom-used closer who can't actually close out a game.

18.  ...the only reason you're watching the Astros play the Rangers is the hope of seeing first-hand some of the players the Astros might get if Roy Oswalt is traded to the Rangers.

19.  ...batting Lance Berkman second in the order actually seems to make sense.

20.  ...Felipe Paulino is considered to be a legit major league starting pitcher.

21.  ...Pedro Feliz is not only still on the team, but he's still starting games.

22.  ...the best part of the game is watching the choo-choo train.

23.  ...you got a free ticket to Friday's 9-3 loss to the Rangers, and you wanted a refund.

24.  ...you had an extra, free ticket to Friday's game against the Rangers, and everybody you know suddenly had to wash their hair that night.

25.  ...when you spent Friday's game against the Rangers making up "you know the Astros are bad..." jokes.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.