4 Thoughts on Delonte West's Wet Willie on Gordon Hayward

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

After allowing me to fall into the trap of proclaiming them a lock for the playoffs on my radio show, the Rockets lost their fourth straight game last night. Logic dictates that I should post something about that, but I need to step away from the Rockets just to be able to rationally assess them right now (as if a team whose results are so irrational can be rationally assessed).

Thankfully, the basketball gods have blessed us with the perfect distraction from the Rockets nosedive -- Delonte West being Delonte West.

In case you missed it, the Mavericks (West's current employer, which needs to be pointed out since being on his fourth team in five years officially qualifies him as a journeyman now) lost to the Utah Jazz Monday night in triple overtime, in one of three games last night that went the wrong way for the Rockets (their own game and the Suns' win over Portland being the other two).

The game gave us everything you could ask for -- buzzer beaters, clutch shots, huge performances from big-time players and a Wet Willie administered by West on the Jazz's Gordon Hayward.

If you don't believe me, here's the video:

A few observations on this:

1. Let's preface all of this with the fact that this is the first Wet Willie I've ever seen one adult inflict on another adult where both adults had a blood alcohol content below the legal limit. I mean, isn't a Wet Willie something you do to mess with your buddies when everyone is shitfaced?

2. I've had a few people argue with me that this particular Willie may not have been "wet" per se, as we do not have footage of West giving his finger the ceremonial pre-insertion lick. All I have to say in response to that is that it's Delonte West's finger, which with no saliva still might be the most unsanitary appendage in the entire arena, not including the remaining appendages on West's person. In other words, does it really matter if the Willie is wet or not if it belongs to Delonte West? It's still gross and probably disease-ridden. Speaking of which....

3. The "LeBron's mom" jokes are officially too easy and, therefore, considered lazy.

4. I understand it was a punk-ass thing for West to do, but the Jazz announcers act like he pulled out a gun and shot Hayward dead in the middle of the lane (which, by the way, before West got on meds for his bipolarity, would have had a 50-50 shot at happening, too). "Cheap shot in the biggest way....that is the low of lows in sportsmanship..." I mean, they do realize that John Stockton once played for their Jazz, right?

In a year where Delonte West applied to work at Home Depot during the lockout, wound up working for a moving company and allegedly spent his first several days as a Maverick living in the team's locker room, West topped all of those things in the ridiculousness department last night.

A Wet Willie? Seriously?

That said, he's got a long way to go to top this:

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.

Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.