Anytime I post about tattoos, I always feel the need to preface the post by saying that I don't dislike tattoos, and most certainly don't judge nor dislike people with tattoos. I really just don't understand them.
I mean, when you get a tattoo you either a) have it for the rest of your life or b) face some very painful, expensive procedure to have it removed. At the very least, you would think that the less symbolic of commitment a tattoo is, the better.
Well, clearly, Chris Brown disagrees with me.
No, not Chris Brown the emotionally challenged musical artist (not even close). No, not Kris Brown, the former kicker for the Texans (getting warmer). No, it's not even Chris Brown, the former backup Texans running back (getting super warm, though; spelling and all).
Meet Chris Brown, employee for an oilfield services company in Midland, Texas, and diehard Houston Texans fan.
In the face of long odds (+1,200 to win the Super Bowl) and a Texans history completely bereft of success (zero playoff appearances, one season over .500), Brown decided to ink his preseason prediction for the 2011 iteration of the Texans on his arm and decided to get a tattoo.
The tattoo isn't just a Texans logo, it isn't just a Texans logo with the words "Super Bowl Champions," it's a Texans logo with the words "Super Bowl Champions" and the Roman numeral XLVI. In other words, when we translate this tattoo from Tattoo-ese to English, it's saying "I'm Chris Brown, I'm a Texan fan and dammit, my team is winning the Super Bowl this season!"
Joe Namath, Chris Brown pisses on your Super Bowl guarantee!
Now, a few thoughts on this:
4. Not only have the Texans never been to the playoffs, they've never been three games over .500 in the history of the franchise. I can't stress enough how
stupid ballsy a move this is by Brown, although admittedly a tattoo with a Texans logo and the words "THREE GAMES OVER .500" is pretty lame.
3. By inking up his forearm with this body art, this immediately shoots to the top of the list of "Worst Gaffes By Someone Named Chris Brown" in Texans history, shooting past running back Chris Brown's fumble at the goal line against the Cardinals and his option-throw interception in the red zone against the Jaguars, both in 2009. (Notice I didn't even include the two missed field goals by KRIS Brown in 2009 to close out regulation versus the Colts and Titans? Respect the spelling.)
2. Perhaps if one of you were to interview Mr. Brown, you'd ask him where the inspiration for the
future scar tattoo came from. Well, funny you should ask! Here you go (courtesy of Houston Chronicle):
"Danieal Manning -- he's my favorite Texans player," Chris said of the veteran safety, who joined the Texans during free agency this summer. "He inspired me to get the tattoo. I read where he said, 'You can't go to the Super Bowl if you don't think Super Bowl'."
Right. THINK Super Bowl, not INK Super Bowl. This will not end well.
1. Here is the best part of the whole story (other than the 98 percent chance that this guy is going to have an untruthful blemish on his arm for the rest of his days) -- Brown's boss at his oilfield services company actually offered him Super Bowl tickets this season if he wouldn't get the tattoo. Brown's response? Not only did he proceed with the tattoo, but he got inked up right in his office (presumably with his middle finger pointed at his boss the entire time). Not exactly the way to get that big promotion.
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So now the new rule of thumb goes like this -- if someone is offering you a reward for getting a tattoo, we call that a dare; if someone is offering you a reward to keep you from getting a tattoo, we call that an intervention.
And when someone says "HELL NO" to the reward and gets the tattoo, we call that a "Chris Brown."
Halfback-option interception near the goal line, you're off the hook.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on Yahoo! Sports Radio and 1560 The Game weekdays from noon to 3 p.m., and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.