We are joyfully deep into the football season, both college and pro, and gobbling up as many games as we can.
This means we have been subjected to the latest or the most longlasting bits of coachspeak that get parroted on the air ad nauseam by announcers in the booth.
We believe we could easily enjoy even more a full football weekend if we were guaranteed we would never hear the eight following phrases:
8. "Pin their ears back" We have no idea why ear-pinning is such an integral part of an effective pass rush, but it seems no series of sacks or hurries can be accomplished without an ear-pinning status update from an announcer. The price of pins alone must be a significant budget item; we can only assume Texans owner Bob McNair's miserly ways prevented the stockpiling of adequate ear-pin inventory in years previous to this one.
7. "Manage the game" We get it -- the QB can't throw more than 15 yards without getting picked off. But he can sure take orders from the bench and check down to that receiver two yards beyond the line of scrimmage. In other words, apparently, he can manage the damn hell out of a game. And he sucks as a QB.
6. "Dialing up" Defensive coordinators are always "dialing up" something these days. Even though no one we know has dialed up anything in years. Punched a button, sure. But dialing something up? Sounds like a lab from an MST3K movie.
5. "Exotic blitz packages" When those d-coordinators are dialing something up, what they're usually dialing is an "exotic blitz package." Which sounds like something you'd get in the VIP room, to be honest.
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SHOW ME HOW
4. "A tight window" Your quality QBs are always throwing the ball through a "tight window." A "tight window" to us means one that's stuck and won't open, but it sounds all military-technical to football people so they use it all the time.
3. "Pocket presence" Some guys just have great pocket presence. Which means they don't have "happy feet." Which means, we guess, that a key requirement for having terrific pocket presence is having two very depressed feet.
2. "Trickeration" For some reason, a reverse or a pass by anyone other than the quarterback tunrs all announcers into Foghorn Leghorn. Why, we can't begin to guess.
1. A "high-motor" player We don't want no low-motors coming round here, no sir. HIGH -- that's the way we like our motors. High.