8 Reasons Why Your Astrologer Hates You

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves," said Shakespeare. But Shakespeare didn't know shit, according to professional astrologers.

Lots and lots of people go to astrologers. And astrologers have some problems with them.

Why? Let us count the ways. We hooked up with a professional astrologer and these were her top eight beefs:

1. You spout off a number of newspaper horoscope stereotypes ("You can NEVER trust a Gemini. Capricorns will murder their grannies to make a buck. Libras are excellent in love") and fail to get that everyone has something of everything -- in some fashion -- in their own chart.

2. After an hour of serious discussion about what impact the transits are having on your destiny points and the meaning of your life, you demand to know, "Yeah, but does he LOVE me?"

3. When something bad happens to an astrologer, you goad them: "Why didn't you know that was coming?!" Yeah, they've never heard that one before.

4. You insist on a full-blown reading every month. Authentic astrologers discourage that kind of dependency. Plus, most things don't move that quickly in the sky.

5. You're out of work and come in looking for brighter employment prospects. The stars indicate you're in for a long dry spell, and really should have saved for the downturn. You finish up the session by asking to borrow money...from your astrologer.

6. You agreed to an hour-long session, dealing with your relationship issues. When it's over, you demand to know about your work/family/pets/politics/economy or whatever other topic you can think of, expecting instant sagacity.

7. You forget they're an astrologer, and imbue them with psychic powers. "Touch my watch and tell me about my health!!"

8. You expect them to predict the future. (If they could do that, would they take the time to give YOU a reading??) You forget that the planetary movement (astro) is symbolic of life on Earth and tells a story (logos). Everyone has their own filters for and reaction to that story, and everyone has free will, damnit.

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