A Google Image Search for "Sexy Houston": Does Sexiness Result?

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Houston is known for a lot of things to the rest of the world: Pollution being among the foremost.

But are we doing enough to burnish our image? What happens if you do a Google Image search for "sexy Houston"? Does sexiness result?

Let's examine.

7. An Astro thong If there's anything that can enhance the inherent allure of a woman's holiest of holies, it's not the mental image of Carlos Lee waddling down the first-base line. Sexy? No.

6. Marques Houston The R&B singer had a hit with a song called "Naked." Probably many of you would like to see him that way. Sexy? Not our things, but we'll admit he should be defined as such. Yes.

5. Heat Lightning A novel by the apparently prolific author Colleen Thompson, it's summarized thusly: "When a stalker makes an attempt on the life of community activist Luz Maria Montoya, there is no shortage of suspects...including the sexy Houston police detective assigned to crack the case." Sexy? We're not sure we've seen all that many "sexy Houston police detectives," but we're familiar enough with churn-'em-out genre fiction to assume that the character isn't really very sexy at all. No.

4. A Houston stripper Delaware Online linked to a Smoking Gun round-up of strippers arrested in Houston. Color the writer unimpressed: "After looking through the mug shots of the 11 Houston strippers arrested Wednesday, I've determined that the club should be renamed Butterfaces," he wrote. Sexy? Well, it's hard to be good-looking in a mugshot. She's not a bad-looking woman, but she is a stripper; whether that's a turn-on or a turn-off is up to the individual. No.

3. Lesbians doing something disgusting What this picture has to do with Houston, we're not sure, but, well, whatever it is it's not sexy. Two women lean suggestively face-to-face, and one appears to be blowing the world's longest, most viscous snot rocket into the face of the other. Of course it could be another substance, but how the hell all that might have gotten into her nose we have no idea. We're only going to link to this thing (scroll down when you get to the page), but trust us, you can live without seeing it. Sexy? Good God no.

2. Jaime Edmondson Evidently a Texans cheerleader, this young woman appears to be checking her throat for lumps. We hope she's okay. Sexy? Yes.

1. Matt Houston We have already dissected the epic '80s greatness that was the opening credits of Matt Houston, and this picture is part of that. Sexy? Good God yes.

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