A Very Knitted Christmas: 15 Bizarre Handmade Christmas Ornaments on Etsy

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If you are looking for some new and interesting ornaments to decorate your tree this year, Etsy can be a good place to look. The home of all things crafty on the Internet, there are thousands of options for funky, arty, quirky and even traditional adornments for your tree. But, Etsy also has an abundance of really, really odd stuff for sale and that includes stuff to hang from O Tannenbaum.

For starters, there are a ton of horror and zombie options. Zombies are clearly big this year and Etsy is a good reflection of that. But once you dig past the zombies, monsters and severed doll heads, there is a certain level of strange that is reached that defies imagination. When I think back to my childhood and wonder if my mom or grandmother would be cool with the zombie-headed angel tree topper, I think they might let me get away with it for a day or two. But, the ornaments on this list, I don't think so.

15. Social Media Icons

Some might think hanging the Pinterest logo on the tree is cute. It's not.

14. Santa's Brain

Hey, kids, who wants to see inside the skull of Santa?

13. Boob

Someone once told me that everyone likes boobs. I can't necessarily disagree, but I'm not sure anyone wants a single felt breast hanging from a pine bough this holiday.

12. Penis

Naturally, if you are going to have a boob, you may as well have a knitted penis, too. Not sure where you put the hook. Thankfully, I did not find a crochet vagina ornament to complete the set.

11. Hand-Painted Sasquatch

He's got a little Santa hat and everything. 10. Blue and Purple "Fairy"


9. Vintage Clown

Nothing says Christmas like a creepy clown with X'ed out eyes.

8. Crochet Plush "Kidney"

Or "bean" or "oops I made a mistake while working on this blanket for my nephew, so I'll call it a kidney and sell it on Etsy."

7. Poop Ornaments

There are lots of these. Too many. Some are felt. Some are knitted. They have little Santa hats and some even have tiny yellow corn embedded in them. It's a Christmas miracle!

6. Hand-Painted Creepy Baby Eating Ice Cream in a Lobster Bib

No clue why this is an ornament...or even a thing. 5. Thumb

I think the bow adds a nice touch to this...WHAT THE HELL, IT'S A THUMB!

4. Swingin Dick Cheney Ceramic Porcelain Ornament with Teeny Gold Luster Handcuffs

Perhaps a humorous gag gift for the conservative in your life or just a creepy, creepy way to add Dick Cheney to your holiday celebration.

3. Eyeblob


2. Taxidermy Hamster

Aw, it's a cute little hamster and it looks so real...HOLY SHIT! THAT THING WAS ALIVE ONCE!

1. Tampon...used

This is not the only tampon ornament I found on Etsy, surprisingly. It is the only one I saw that appeared to have been used. For only three bucks, you too can hang the grossest thing ever on your tree. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

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